“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” ― Arthur Ashe


Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: I trained in a Shaolin Kung Fu class last week and this week; we reviewed and learned techniques that were not previously tested, and also started learning a nunchaku form. I completed a 7-day juice fast, drinking slightly more than two 64-oz. grape juice bottles and some water, supplemented with fruit tea to regulate my core temperature.

All that's left for August's GoRuck 'Evolve' Challenges is the book Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Noah Harari. October's GoRuck 'Adventure' Challenges are ongoing. The “Broken Mogadishu Mile” workout is 4 Rounds for Time of 19 Kettlebell Ground-to-Overheads (35 lbs.),19 Kettlebell Front Squats (35 lbs.), 19 Kettlebell Uneven Push-Ups (each hand = 38 total), and 400-meter Kettlebell Runs, wearing your ruck for entire workout, and holding the Kettlebell for the entire round - if you drop it, you must restart the round. The Rucking and Additional Challenge is to ruck, "5 miles per week Elevation/Stairs Ruck with baseline weight - ruck uphill or up stairs (~2000 stairs = 1 mile) for a total of 5 miles per week. You can complete all 5 miles at once or break it up into a mile a day for 5 days out of the week. Aim for a 20-mile total by the end of the month." The double F*CK is max reps of pushups in 2 minutes and max forearm plank for time. The book-of-the-month is James by Percival Everett.

For Week 2, I completed a 2.8-mile night ruck on Day 1 of my fast, in a grid up and down the streets between Killingsworth and Ainsworth, and then another 2.3-mile night ruck on Day 4 of my fast, in a reverse grid, dropping off some extra/unused food at one of the local Community Pantries. I was slower and a little more unsteady, but I can still carry the weight uphill. I finished reading No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention by Reed Hastings and Erin Meyer, completing September's GoRuck 'Reinvent' Challenges, and started reading James. For Week 3, I finished James, night rucked a longer but similar pattern (3.86 miles) the same night I broke my fast.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I'm still rereading The Teachings of Don Juan: Journey to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda from my permanent martial arts library, and A New Mourning: Discovering the Gifts in Grief by Georgena Eggleston. I've completed my 7-day juice fast/detox practice for the year, and sat in another virtual loving-kindness metta.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: I'm continuing Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. Week 22 is firearms, and I still need to check, clean, and practice more with my existing gear. Week 22 is still on hold. I'm in OK shape for Week 33, Bug Out Plans Away From Home. I have a good selection of gear in my vehicle, and rucking helps with both training for hiking and carrying a load, and local navigation. I've laid in 45 lbs. of white long-grain and Calrose rice into long-term storage. While I was at Orycon this weekend, I attended several classes by Rory Miller, a prolific author of violence dynamics and scaling force decisions (I have, and have read, several of his books). He taught Disaster and Bug-Out Bag Preparation and Crisis Psychological First Aid and Self Care, and I both had a good review and learned new perspectives in all of his classes. After Rory's classes, I'm looking even more forward to the scheduled Immediate Post-Disaster Emotional Assistance (IDEA) training, which is a Psychological First Aid (PFA) and disaster behavioral health field response training plus a train-the-trainer option, at the end of October.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: I'm still working through the life insurance policies and the legal issues; the pile has been reduced, but it's still a significant pile. There has been no update with The Whorse. I've renewed my LPC License.

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: No progress.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: I worked as a volunteer for the last Orycon this weekend, as a Medical/Security minion as part of The Watch. I mostly roved and solved small problems, but I was on-call for serious incidents. I have also heard back from Norwescon; they seem interested in utilizing me as a Safety Ambassador. I also attended a Cigar Social, fulfilling my Prospect duties.

“The trouble with many plans is that they are based on the way things are now. To be successful, your personal plan must focus on what you want, not what you have. – Nido Qubein


Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: I trained in a Shaolin Kung Fu class this last week, continuing the testing process for a belt promotion. We struggled through the Parries (Step Blocks), but we completed them to Si Gong's (generosity and) satisfaction. We did better with all of the Sound Work, including the 7 Point Toning, the Points of Light, and the Full Body Toning sequences. Next Challenge: teaching the whole class any of the Circle of Basics; I'm thinking I'll teach Kick Blocks and Dodges, or Sound Work. I rucked the Bimbo 10K Virtual Race as a 6-mile ruck this week, with baseline weight - 30 lb. plate, 10-lb. ruck) with a time of 2:37:16. The results were about 30 minutes slower than last year, but last year was a walk/trot without a ruck. It's good to know I can ruck more than 6 miles, only about 5 minutes slower a mile with 40 lbs. than without weight ('slick'). Although I have met the ongoing goal of five races a year for 2025, I'm still looking forward to the Turkey Trot 5K in November.

I also completed September's GoRuck 'Reinvent' workout, the Selection Baseline Functional Fitness Test, which was a 1-mile ruck/run (17:55), 2 minutes of sandbag burpees (12, no ruck), a 200m suitcase carry (4:20, ruck and sandbag), and 2 minutes of hand release pushups (28, slick). All that's left for August's GoRuck 'Evolve' Challenges is the book Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Noah Harari. All that's left of September's GoRuck 'Reinvent' Challenges is the book-of-the-month, No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention by Reed Hastings and Erin Meyer.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I'm still rereading The Teachings of Don Juan: Journey to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda from my permanent martial arts library, and A New Mourning: Discovering the Gifts in Grief by Georgena Eggleston. Although I have enough CEUs to renew my LPC license in October, I don't have enough addiction/substance use CEUs to renew my CADC III certification next May. I attended two additional same-day CEU webinars, The Resilience Reset Guide: From Unraveled to Unrivaled and Pathway to Post-Traumatic Growth on Wednesday, Grief and Loss: An Active Approach for Older Adults on Thursday, and Creating a Safe Space in the LGBTQ+ Clinical Environment on Friday. I have also 'sat' another virtual loving-kindness metta; there are a lot of people who are suffering right now.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: I'm continuing Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. Week 22 is firearms, and I still need to check, clean, and practice more with my existing gear. Week 22 is still on hold. I'm in very good shape for Week 31, Knives. I've signed up for an Immediate Post-Disaster Emotional Assistance (IDEA) training, which is a Psychological First Aid (PFA) and disaster behavioral health field response training plus a train-the-trainer option, at the end of October. Although my MRC badge hasn't yet arrived, my Community Disaster Preparedness in Healthcare certificate came in the mail this week.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: I'm still working through the life insurance policies and the legal issues; the pile has expanded, unfortunately. No progress with The Whorse. I did get my COVID vaccine.

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: No progress.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: No progress.

“Sometimes, you don’t survive whole, you just survive in part. But the grandeur of life is that attempt. It’s not about that solution. It is about being as fearless as one can, and behaving as beautifully as one can, under completely impossible circumstances.” - Toni Morrison


Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: I trained in a Shaolin Kung Fu class this last week, continuing the testing process for a belt promotion. We successfully completed all of the basic kick combinations, as well as all of the kick blocking and dodging. The next challenge is all of the Parries and all of the Sound Work, including Points of Light, 7 Point Toning, and Full Body Toning sequences. I'm also training for the MLK Dream Run (next week). We completed the Spartan Race, finding out at the starting line there was an extra mile with challenging terrain, as well as the usual 20 obstacles. Even though we weren't wearing rucks, I'm counting it as the Week 2 (4-mile) ruck; it would have been easier to ruck four miles. I'll use the Bimbo 10K Virtual Race as a 6-mile ruck. The race number/bib for the Bimbo Race has arrived, but the race doesn't officially start until the 22nd.

May's GoRuck 'Believe' Challenges are still ongoing. All that's left for May is the workout, the traditional 'Murph' Challenge. At the Tough level, it is a 1-mile ruck, 200 Sandbag Bent Over Rows (the substitute for 100 pull-ups), 200 Pushups, and 300 Squats, and then another 1-mile ruck, all wearing a 20-lb. plate carrier and using a 60-lb. sandbag. No progress, but scheduled and then delayed for August, then rescheduled for September. August's GoRuck 'Evolve' Challenges were almost completed on time; all that is left is the book Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Noah Harari, which is back from Burning Man, but not ready for me to get it back.

September's GoRuck 'Reinvent' Challenges are also ongoing. The workout is the Selection Baseline Functional Fitness Test, which is a 1-mile ruck/run, 2 minutes of sandbag burpees, a 200m suitcase carry, and 2 minutes of hand release pushups, recording your times and scores for each movement. The Rucking and Additional Challenge requirement is WEEK 1: 2-mile ruck, WEEK 2: 4-mile ruck, WEEK 3: 6-mile ruck, and WEEK 4: 8-mile ruck. The F*CK is a 1-Mile Suitcase carry for time, with a ruck with baseline weight (40 lb.), switching hands as needed. The book-of-the-month is No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention by Reed Hastings and Erin Meyer. The book has been received, and the workout has been scheduled. I've completed the first week's ruck and the F*CK, with a time of 20:47. I've also completed the fourth week's ruck, hiking/rucking the Crown Zellerbach Trail near Scappoose, and the second week's ruck at the Spartan Race.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I'll be DMing Deviance later this month. I'm rereading The Teachings of Don Juan: Journey to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda from my permanent martial arts library. I've also picked up A New Mourning: Discovering the Gifts in Grief by Georgena Eggleston.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: I'm continuing Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. Week 22 is firearms, and I still need to check, clean, and practice more with my existing gear. Week 22 is still on hold. I'm in excellent shape for Week 29, Ham Radios. Besides my General License, I have three freshly charged 2-meter radios by my bed, the fourth in my EDC Bag, and the fifth in a Go Bag, all with extra batteries. I'm still looking for my MRC badge in the mail. I've upgraded my firefighter helmet with the Streamlight Polytac helmet system. I'm waiting for the politics of the day to resolve before I get my COVID shot; apparently, issues with COVID vaccines might mean getting it in Washington or 'waiting a few weeks' as my healthcare system is not currently prescribing them. Hmmm.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: I'm still working through the life insurance policies and the legal issues; the pile is slowly getting smaller. The Whorse is not yet ready for pick up.

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: The County has gotten a Revised Site Plan, and I was able to get one of the three signatures I needed. An issue with the non-existent septic system was clarified, and the appropriate county official was emailed.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: I got a wonderful and appreciated Ranger Postcard from Black Rock City this year, signed by some of my favorite Rangers. *smile* We hiked/ruck almost nine miles near Scappoose, mostly on the Crown Zellerbach Trail, scoring 14 Letterbox Hybrid Caches, and 4 traditional geocaches. We attended the HUMP Film Festival, and had a lovely couple of hours watching indie porn - it was more diverse, more fringe-y this festival than in previous festivals.

Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: I did not train in a Shaolin Kung Fu class this last week, but I am continuing the testing process for a belt promotion. I performed better with Week 3 (hand and foot strike combinations), but now I have to correctly demonstrate the 21-hand strike series and explain the mechanics of striking, both this week. I've also started to train for the MLK Dream Run and the Spartan Race, both in September, and I'll use the Bimbo 10K Virtual Race as a training run.

May's GoRuck 'Believe' Challenges are still ongoing. All that's left for May is the workout, the traditional 'Murph' Challenge. The Murph Challenge is "not just a physical test, but also a mental and emotional one. Participants are pushed to their limits and are encouraged to keep pushing through the pain and exhaustion, just as Lieutenant Michael Murphy did during his final moments." At the Tough level, it is a 1-mile ruck, 200 Sandbag Bent Over Rows (the substitute for 100 pull-ups), 200 Pushups, and 300 Squats, and then another 1-mile ruck, all wearing a 20-lb. plate carrier and using a 60-lb. sandbag. No progress, but scheduled and then delayed for August.

August's GoRuck 'Evolve' Challenges were almost completed on time. I had hoped to complete them this month, as well as the Murph and the June workouts and the June Week 4 ruck (both completed), but Extreme Heat Warnings for several days slowed me down from completing the Murph. The workout was “GRIN AND BEAR IT”: THE DRIVE: 100 Sandbag Step Ups, 20 Sandbag Bear Hug Squats, 15 Sandbag Front Tosses, 10 Sandbag Bear Complex, and a 400m Sandbag Shuffle, as well as THE RETURN: 10 Sandbag Bear Complex, 15 Sandbag Front Toss, 20 Sandbag Bear Hug Squats, and 100 Sandbag Step Ups. The Rucking and Additional Challenge is, "Max number of miles going upstairs or uphill in the month of August (downhill also counts for distance). Skip the elevators and escalators." The F*CK is "2 min max reps" of American Twists, using a sand kettlebell or ruck, and the book is Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Noah Harari. Since there is no clear guidance on what the "max number of miles" refers to, I interpreted this as at least one mile per week of uphill or downhill rucking. I've completed the fourth week's uphill/downhill ruck (40-lb. ruck), the workout (60-lb. sandbag), and the F*CK (30-lb. ruck, 90 reps). Everything was completed except for the book, which went to Burning Man without me.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I finished Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande. It was a tough read for me; I wish I had read it before The Old Man had passed.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: I'm continuing Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. Week 22 is firearms, and I still need to check, clean, and practice more with my existing gear. Week 22 is still on hold. I'm in OK shape for Week 27, Spices with long-term food storage - I'll pick up more on the next grocery run. I was in Eugene this week for FP PER211 1277, Medical Management of Chemical, Biological, Radiological, Nuclear, and Explosive Events, the last class I needed to complete to earn my Community Disaster Preparedness in Healthcare certificate. It feels good to be back in a Fire Station, training on mannequins, taking vitals and making medical decisions, and ordering simulated atropine and breathing treatments. Also, in other news, I'm finally getting my MRC badge printed, "soon", and then mailed to me.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: I'm still working through the life insurance policies and the legal issues. The Whorse is not yet ready for pick up.

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: The County has gotten a Revised Site Plan, and I was able to get one of the three signatures I needed. Yet more progress has been made in the Pump House organization, and all of the repairs for the insulation in the walls and the walls themselves have been completed. I used some pegboard instead of wallboard, and I was able to put all of my Base Station wildland firefighting PPE on the wall, freeing up a lot of storage space.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: Since I was already in Eugene for the CBRNE training, I spent a night at McMenamins Grand Lodge Hotel and a night at McMenamins St. Francis Hotel, with stops in Eugene and Corvallis and Salem, as well as going as far south as Roseburg for an early dinner, to collect all of the necessary stamps to make a serious dent in completing another passport. There was lots of driving, lots of coffee, and a nice solo road trip. Also, a concert to see Men at Work and Toto on the grass on a warm August night. *smile*

Some relationships end before they even begin. Not because there’s nothing there, but because getting closer feels riskier than walking away.

Sometimes the choice is about feeling in control. Stepping back early can seem easier than staying and wondering if the other person might walk away first. If you’ve been through loss or betrayal, the thought of being left again can make you guard your space before anything has the chance to take root.

For others, the challenge is with closeness itself. Letting someone in means they’ll see the unfiltered version of you. That can bring moments that feel unclear, tense, or simply uncomfortable. For some, that weight is enough to make ending things early feel like the safer option.

There’s also the question of expectations. Most people carry a quiet idea of how the start should look and feel. The pace, the attention, the way the connection builds. When it turns out differently, it’s tempting to decide it will never work. Instead of letting it find its own shape, you walk away with the version you pictured still in place.

In the early stage, everything is possibility. The other person is still mostly an idea, and ideas are easy to like. Once you start to see their edges, their habits, their differences, the ways they don’t match the image, the choice is whether to lean in and learn more or leave while things are still simple.

Sometimes people mistake this early shift for incompatibility when it’s really just the normal process of two lives meeting in reality. The spark levels out, routines form, and it takes more intention to connect. That’s when a relationship begins to build depth, but only if both people stay.

This happens in the lifestyle too. A dynamic can start with an intense rush. Protocols are exciting, scenes feel charged, and it’s easy to imagine how it will all unfold. Then the rhythm changes. The high evens out. This is when some disappear. Not because the connection is gone, but because the real work of building together has started, and that’s harder to commit to than the thrill of the beginning.

One of the hidden costs of leaving early is that you never get the experience of working through change together. You only get good at beginnings. The part of the relationship that could have made you feel safe, known, and grounded never has the chance to take root.

Staying past that point isn’t about ignoring red flags. It’s about giving the connection enough time to show you what it actually is, instead of ending it the moment it stops matching your first idea.

Leaving early keeps you safe from certain kinds of hurt. It also keeps you from the kind of depth that only comes after the newness wears off. You can’t know how strong something could be if you step away before you’ve seen it outside the glow of the start.

Sometimes the risk is worth taking. Not because it will always work out, but because the only way to find real closeness is to let yourself stay long enough to find out.

Please remember to CARE when engaging in discussions: Constructive, Authentic, Respectful, and Engaging. Comments that violate these principles may be removed or result in a ban.

This is a dark time, filled with suffering and uncertainty. Like living cells in a larger body, it is natural that we feel the trauma of our world. So don’t be afraid of the anguish you feel, or the anger or fear, because these responses arise from the depth of your caring and the truth of your interconnectedness with all beings. - Joanna Macy


Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: I did not train in a Shaolin Kung Fu class this week, due to a client crisis. I am continuing the testing process for a belt promotion. Week 2 of testing is the basic hand and foot stances, and I'll do them this week.

May's GoRuck 'Believe' Challenges are still ongoing. All that's left for May is the workout, the traditional 'Murph' Challenge. The Murph Challenge is "not just a physical test, but also a mental and emotional one. Participants are pushed to their limits and are encouraged to keep pushing through the pain and exhaustion, just as Lieutenant Michael Murphy did during his final moments." At the Tough level, it is a 1-mile ruck, 200 Sandbag Bent Over Rows (the substitute for 100 pull-ups), 200 Pushups, and 300 Squats, and then another 1-mile ruck, all wearing a 20-lb. plate carrier and using a 60-lb. sandbag. No progress.

June's GoRuck 'Resilience' Challenges are also now in progress, with a focus on Apache (pursed lip) breathing. The workout, "Take a sip of water and hold it in your mouth for the duration of the workout. Every time you swallow the water or spit it out do 10 Burpees over your ruck", is 4 rounds of a 400m Ruck, 10 Sandbag Power Cleans, and 10 Sandbag Shoulder to Overhead, wearing my ruck for the entire workout except the penalty burpees, with the ruck weight 30 lbs.+, and the 60 lb. sandbag for my level. The Rucking and Additional Challenge requirements are Apache breathing for a mile at base weight, with an extra mile every week, i.e., week 2 = 2 miles, week 3 = 3 miles, etc. What I have left: the fourth week's ruck and the workout. No progress.

August's GoRuck 'Evolve' Challenges dropped on time, and I should be able to complete them this month, as well as May's Murph, June's workout, and the last 4-mile ruck. The workout is “GRIN AND BEAR IT”: THE DRIVE: 100 Sandbag Step Ups, 20 Sandbag Bear Hug Squats, 15 Sandbag Front Tosses, 10 Sandbag Bear Complex, and a 400m Sandbag Shuffle, as well as THE RETURN: 10 Sandbag Bear Complex, 15 Sandbag Front Toss, 20 Sandbag Bear Hug Squats, and 100 Sandbag Step Ups. The Rucking and Additional Challenge is, "Max number of miles going upstairs or uphill in the month of August (downhill also counts for distance). Skip the elevators and escalators." The F*CK is "2 min max reps" of American Twists, using a sand kettlebell or ruck, and the book is Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Noah Harari.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I've finished The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön. I have also started Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: I'm continuing Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. Week 22 is firearms, and I need to check, clean, and practice more with my existing gear. Week 22 is still on hold. My firefighter turnouts are now replaced, and I have a complete set of retired/new structural bunker gear, including an extra slightly shorter turnout jacket (without SCBA), as well as a complete set of new wildland firefighter gear, in case of emergencies. I attended two full days of the American College of Medical Toxicology Conference, Agents of Opportunity for Terrorism: Toxic Industrial Chemicals (TICs), Toxic Industrial Materials (TIMs), and Toxic Radiological Materials (TRMs) this last week.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: I completed my eye examination and dental appointment this week, and my medical appointment is next week. I'm still working through the life insurance policies and the legal issues. The Whorse is back at the mechanic from the specialty transmission mechanic this week and is getting cleaned and finishing touches. I should be able to pick it up soon!

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: The County has some questions. I'll be submitting a Revised Permit soon. More progress in the Pump House organization has happened.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: I am still at the Gate House part-time, slowly organizing and cleaning things, but taking refuge. I was deployed Thursday through Sunday morning as a Firefighter for SHIFT the end of July.

“You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly OK to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.” — Lori Deschene


Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: I have trained in one Shaolin Kung Fu class, and I'm starting to knock the dust and rust off. I'll train this week.

May's GoRuck 'Believe' Challenges are ongoing. All that's left for May is the traditional 'Murph' Challenge. The Murph Challenge is "not just a physical test, but also a mental and emotional one. Participants are pushed to their limits and are encouraged to keep pushing through the pain and exhaustion, just as Lieutenant Michael Murphy did during his final moments." At the Tough level, it is a 1-mile ruck, 200 Sandbag Bent Over Rows (the substitute for 100 pull-ups), 200 Pushups, and 300 Squats, and then another 1-mile ruck, all wearing a 20-lb. plate carrier, and using a 60-lb. sandbag.

June's GoRuck 'Resilience' Challenges are also now in progress, with a focus on Apache (pursed lip) breathing. The workout, "Take a sip of water and hold it in your mouth for the duration of the workout. Every time you swallow the water or spit it out do 10 Burpees over your ruck", is 4 rounds of a 400m Ruck, 10 Sandbag Power Cleans, and 10 Sandbag Shoulder to Overhead, wearing my ruck for the entire workout except the penalty burpees, with the ruck weight 30 lbs.+, and the 60 lb. sandbag for my level. The Rucking and Additional Challenge requirements are Apache breathing for a mile at base weight, with an extra mile every week, i.e., week 2 = 2 miles, week 3 = 3 miles, etc. The Film-of-the-Month is The 12th Man, a Harald Zwart film, and the F*CK is a 1-mile Apache Ruck for time. I have completed the second week's 2-mile Apache ruck with my EDC Ruck (20 lbs.) to even out the first week, watched the film, and completed the F*CK with a time of 21:15.

July's 'Dream' Challenges are also ongoing. The book-of-the-month is Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, the F*CK is a 100lb. 1-mile ruck for time, and the Rucking and Additional Challenge is, "Each week for the month of July, ruck 1 heavy mile. Every week, the weight increases." We knocked out the Beer Mile 'workout', modifying with a half a beer with each quarter mile. I have completed the first and second week's ruck with a 45 lb. plate in my ruck the first week, and an extra 10 lbs. for the second ruck. I completed the F*CK in 22:52, and I've finished the book.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I'm still rereading The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön. I stayed up late and finished Death Without Denial, Grief Without Apology: A Guide for Facing Death and Loss by Barbara K. Roberts. Supportive people are still checking in.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: I'm continuing Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. Week 21 is firestarting kits, and I'm in good shape. I'm scheduled to attend the ABR Academy Disaster Readiness class this week. As an opportunity through the MRC at the end of the month, I am allowed to virtually attend two days of the American College of Medical Toxicology Conference, Agents of Opportunity for Terrorism: Toxic Industrial Chemicals (TICs), Toxic Industrial Materials (TIMs), and Toxic Radiological Materials (TRMs) - July 2025. I went on my first deployment, working at the First Aid tent at two locations for the Seattle to Portland bicycle race last weekend, where I practiced wound care and heat injury treatment.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: Base Station's DLLC fee has been paid. The Whorse is supposed to be back from the specialty transmission mechanic this week, but has been delayed.

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: The shop site is still being leveled and expanded even more for new concrete and retaining walls. Footers are still being dug for the concrete, and permits are ready to be sent to the County. I've transferred the homeowner's insurance. More things were put away in the Pump House.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: I am still at the Gate House part-time. I decided not to go to the Oregon Country Fair or take a road trip this last week. I'm scheduled to DM another event this week.

“Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change.” – Thomas Hardy


Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: I've trained in one Shaolin Kung Fu class in the last two weeks. My body still feels disconnected, and I'm unmotivated for any exercise when I have so many other stressors happening now. I'm working on it.

May's GoRuck 'Believe' Challenges are ongoing. The workout this month is the traditional 'Murph' Challenge. The Murph Challenge is "not just a physical test, but also a mental and emotional one. Participants are pushed to their limits and are encouraged to keep pushing through the pain and exhaustion, just as Lieutenant Michael Murphy did during his final moments." At the Tough level, it is a 1-mile ruck, 200 Sandbag Bent Over Rows (the substitute for 100 pull-ups), 200 Pushups, and 300 Squats, and then another 1-mile ruck, all wearing a 20-lb. plate carrier, and using a 60-lb. sandbag. The F*CK is Max reps of strict pull-ups in one set. Still no progress. No June Challenges progress, either.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I've started rereading The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön, and picked up Death Without Denial, Grief Without Apology: A Guide for Facing Death and Loss by Barbara K. Roberts. I've finished the 4-week free college course, from Harvard Medical School, called PH755x: Lessons from Ebola: Preventing the Next Pandemic. Supportive people are still checking up on me.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: No progress. I'm continuing Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. Week 19 was about getting caught up on health maintenance issues, and I have scheduled all of my medical and dental appointments, but I still have an eye appointment to schedule. The MRC postponed their scheduled call-down drill, but I attended a new map presentation that shows where MRC volunteers in Clackamas, Multnomah, and Washington counties are likely to deploy from in the event of a Cascadia Subduction Zone Earthquake.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: No progress. I've dealt with some banking and mailed in most of my taxes.

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: Excavation for the Shop is still ongoing. The ground has been cleared for the septic lines. The old concrete has been removed, and the shop site is still being leveled and expanded even more for new concrete and retaining walls. Footers are being dug for the concrete, and permits are in progress. I am still slowly transitioning from The Hideaway, and we've emptied The Old Man's storage unit. We've cleaned and reorganized much of the Gate House, including the Ham Shack, and there is a lot more storage. I'm still working on transferring the homeowner's insurance and the power bill.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: I am still at the Gate House part-time, cleaning and still working on a legal/social/financial checklist of things to be canceled and changed, as well as some of the little projects at Base Station. For the Solstice, for the first time in many years, the BIMC went to Maryhill/Stonehenge. Four Presidents seen, three unseen. Maverick's colors were worn over mine to honor them, and as a story for the next President when they are offered. Breakfast at Cousin's Restaurant in the Dalles was enjoyed both the night before and after the ritual, as Rosie's is no more. We also went to Marymoor on a Sunday night, where we saw the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band open for Little Feat. A good show, but that meant less sleep and a speed run back to Portland on Monday morning.

“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke


Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: No progress.

May's GoRuck 'Believe' Challenges are ongoing. The workout is the traditional 'Murph' Challenge. The Murph Challenge is "not just a physical test, but also a mental and emotional one. Participants are pushed to their limits and are encouraged to keep pushing through the pain and exhaustion, just as Lieutenant Michael Murphy did during his final moments." At the Tough level, it is a 1-mile ruck, 200 Sandbag Bent Over Rows (the substitute for 100 pull-ups), 200 Pushups, and 300 Squats, and then another 1-mile ruck, all wearing a 20-lb. plate carrier, and using a 60-lb. sandbag. The F*CK is Max reps of strict pull-ups in one set. No progress.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I've started rereading The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön. I've completed the first week of a 4-week free college course, from Harvard Medical School, called Lessons from Ebola: Preventing the Next Pandemic.I once again 'sat' loving-kindness virtual zazen, thinking of The Old Man and Alfie, his dog. I am still having trouble reading, concentrating, or thinking. I have had a 'therapy' session with my clinical supervisor, and many supportive people are checking up on me.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: I'm continuing Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. This week (week 19) is about getting caught up on health maintenance issues, and I will be scheduling all of my medical and dental appointments soon.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: No progress.

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: Excavation for the Shop is ongoing. The ground has been cleared for the septic lines. The old concrete has been removed, and the shop site is being leveled and expanded for new concrete and retaining walls.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: No progress. Alfie, the Old Man's dog, has been sent back to the rescue organization, giving me more freedom to travel and resume my professional life. I am at the Gate House, cleaning and working on a legal/social/financial checklist of things to be canceled and changed, and also working on some of the little projects at Base Station, and also at the Hideaway, sorting and clearing things to go to Base Station. I was part of a Funeral ritual/Greater Feast for one of the Presidents of my motorcycle club, and I took possession of President Maverick's colors.

Body/Martial Arts/Physical Improvement/Testing: No progress. I did not train this week or last week. Training for future weeks is temporarily on hold (see below).

May's GoRuck 'Believe' Challenges are ongoing. The workout this month is the traditional 'Murph' Challenge. The Murph Challenge is "not just a physical test, but also a mental and emotional one. Participants are pushed to their limits and are encouraged to keep pushing through the pain and exhaustion, just as Lieutenant Michael Murphy did during his final moments." At the Tough level, it is a 1-mile ruck, 200 Sandbag Bent Over Rows (the substitute for 100 pull-ups), 200 Pushups, and 300 Squats, and then another 1-mile ruck, all wearing a 20-lb. plate carrier, and using a 60-lb. sandbag. The rucking requirement is a 5-mile ruck for time at baseline weight (completed, see below), the F*CK is Max reps of strict pull-ups in one set, and the book of the month is In My Time of Dying by Sebastian Junger (also completed). I turned the GoRuck rucking and additional tasking requirement into a disaster drill, by taking my full-load go-bag (31 lbs.) instead of my ruck (41 lbs.), with my route going to the nearest Temporary Telecommunications Center site, my local Fire Station, the closest two of my emergency shelter sites, and the closest hospital/trauma center. The round trip was about 7 miles, and I maintained a roughly 20-minute mile pace.

Mind/Spirit/Centering/Health: I've finished reading In My Time of Dying by Sebastian Junger. I've started rereading The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön. I DM'd this last week for the Deviance event at Club Privata.

In Case of Zombies/Disaster Preparation: I've continued Jim Cobb's Countdown to Preparedness book/assignments. This week (week 18) is about OTC and prescription medications, and I have a pretty good stockpile of medications I might need for at least three months. I attended a Safe on the Road tactical class from the ABR Academy this last week, and learned some interesting things to consider. I also took advantage of 'Stop the Bleed' Month and attended a virtual Stop the Bleed Refresher. I'm scheduled to attend a two-day in-person class, FP MGT439 0578 Pediatric Disaster Response and Emergency Preparedness next week, part of earning a Community Disaster Preparedness in Healthcare certificate. I have also registered for a virtual Access and Functional Needs Planning Preparedness training class through the Multnomah Medical Reserve Corps at the end of the month.

Maintenance/Shit Got To Be Done: I've completed more than half the required number of CEUs I'll need in October when I renew my LPC license, and I'm still working on it. I've not heard about the Whorse yet.

Base Station/Ol' Number 3: I have had the final meeting with the contractors; the excavation for The Shop has started. The conduit for the RV hookup in the Back Forty is already in place. The septic lines for The Shop are ready to be dug and placed, which will allow me to build and install the generator doghouse and the generator for the Gate House. The old concrete is being removed, and the Shop site is being leveled for new concrete.

Travel/Adventure/Doing Stuff: My vacation was postponed after the Old Man had a pretty serious health scare, and I will be spending the majority of my time for the foreseeable future at Base Station, attending to him, along with his Hospice Care Team. A lot of my plans are temporarily on hold. I'll work out my practice with my clients, training, and festival options. I'm back to sleeping in Ol' Number 3.