Notes from a Warrior Ascetic

The BF asked me what was the most important lesson that I have learned since my sabbatical in NC. Here it is:

I need very little, and the Universe provides that which I do need, if I do not resist it. Use it up, don’t replace it. Wants are not needs. The more I can run lean, with less stuff encumbering me, the more effective I am. Everyone has things to teach, if am I willing to learn. Once I learn the lesson, however, I can move on to the next. Train hard. Focus, learn, and pay the price for the change. Confront that which I fear, with Senshin. Be willing to experience aloneness, find connection; let go of judgment and expectation and control; calm the mind, respond, flow, and grow. Be the Naked Flame.



"Fear is like a vicious circle: When we tune into it, we give it life, then we attract the very thing we fear, and consequently the fear becomes our reality." -Anonymous

A more lengthy update

I've seen my last Gero patient for the last time. I’ve been conducting psychotherapy with him since last October, and he was my most challenging patient. He was one of those patients that got stuck in the system, and I was able to ‘unstick’ him. He, perhaps due a change in his energy, and a guided sense of purpose, was able to overcome his anxiety and depression and trauma-related need for reassurance, and get off one of the most demented male wards and temporarily into an assisted care facility, with the idea being a transition to independent living. I have played chess with him. I have escorted him to a patient dance. I have sat in Coping Skills group with him. I have taken him shopping to the canteen for holiday presents. I am not saying I was totally or directly to do with his recovery. He had a great Gero Fellow, and supportive RNs and RTs and HCTs, and a treatment team that responded once I was able to convince them that his behaviors were trauma-driven. However, it’s always bittersweet to discharge a patient that has worked so hard, and you have worked so hard with. It’s satisfying, but sad. He was the last reason I have to come on to the Gero wards. I start my Rehab patients this week.

In other news, Paula informs me that Phaedrus, my cat of many years, has feline diabetes. He’s doing well, and he’s been to the vet twice---once to diagnose, and once to adjust his insulin. However, he’ll require insulin shots BID for the rest of his life. He’s healthy and doing well with Ten Mae otherwise, and has started to lose some weight already (he was up to 15 lbs, and he’s down to 14, and the vet wants him at about 11 lbs.). Interestingly, he was diagnosed about the same time I started to cut down on carbs in my diet. I guess we’ll start to eat more healthily together. I’m very grateful to Paula for her excellent care and prompt response, which probably saved Phaedrus’ kidneys. I think she was expecting me to freak out, as I might have in the past, but that would have helped no one---instead, I calmly consulted her, got the facts, and again authorized her to do whatever was needed, which helps both Phaedrus and Paula. I will be getting an inservice on how to inject Phaedrus when I visit.

I was honored to be able attend Red/Black Belt class, as an orange belt, a very uncommon event. I trained how to perform hyung I had never seen before, and assumed even more responsibility for myself, and my training. I have modified an existing non-traditional tournament hyung, Ki Cho Hyung Obu, to overcome my knee, and I train that form every chance I get. I will be leading the class during warm ups, and I have been training as well to assist in the children's class, as well as my own. I'm in the gym almost every day, focusing on my strength and coordination training.

Finally, I will be visiting Oregon for Beltane ritual. I've already sent my money for two people (Tam and myself), and bought the plane tickets. I'll be in PDX on April 26, and back on RDU on May 3rd. If it works out, I'd love to reconnect with as many people as possible. *smile*