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Where I have been
Jun. 8th, 2007 08:32 pmWhat, then, have I learned about formality? Formality is contextual, and transient depending on the circumstance. According to Heylighen and DeWaele’s (1999) discussion of language, a formal style is characterized by detachment, accuracy, rigidity and heaviness; an informal style is more flexible, direct, implicit, and involved, but less informative. For those who think as I do: a Criswell katana, versus a Sheffield rapier. There is a time when being very formal is necessary because it honors the situation and the people involved in that life ritual. However, formality for formality’s sake is meaningless, and has no substance. Being a certain way with someone because you are expected to be formal perpetuates that formality, and may slow down both your growth and learning with that person, and theirs. Not being formal when it’s expected could create a positive life-shattering change for someone who is very used to change in a certain way, a favorite trick of us Psychology types.
Of course, the bottom line: it’s about fear.
I cannot continue this constant meditation any longer. I must put it aside and work on it as I can, for now. Although I am making progress, there are too many other people who are anxious to spend time with me, and too many other obligations, and the Universe seems to be guiding me to slow down. I don’t seem to have the luxury of continuing. If I was attached to the outcome, I could be very resentful of others slowing my growth, but I realize they may be as stuck in their own process as I am stuck in mine, and perhaps the Universe has sent me to help them get unstuck. My local student seems confused about her fear, but she isn’t. My other student is working hard, having named her fear – and is busy kicking ass. One in my life has worked desperately hard for the last several days in my absence - at last report, she is now experiencing bhoga at high speed in a 2005 Mustang convertible. Another seems very stuck. Finally, Tam needs me to be present as she finishes the last hurdle of her program – and I haven’t been.
So, what have I learned? I’ve learned I still have deep shields that hide themselves when I hunt for them. I learned that formality is sometimes a clue to them, although not always. I strive to be able to choose to have no shields, at any time. Sometimes, I can effortlessly drop my shields. Sometimes, I can drop them with effort. Sometimes, I believe I have dropped my shields – but I haven’t. Sometimes I am just not capable of dropping them at all, even when I expend effort. I think that spending time with the people I am spending time with may reinforce my old ways, but then – the Universe only puts before me that which I need to learn. There is still something in my own Ego that still doesn’t trust. I need the BF, and her way of meeting-my-energy-and-matching-it nurturing, and she arrives next week. Perhaps my obligations will allow me to resume my meditation then, and perhaps that’s what the Universe wants.
So, then. I’m back. I have enjoyed being able to focus exclusively on my own growth, but now it’s time to help others, as well. Arrien writes that the task of the warrior is to show up, to be visible and empower others through example and intention. He also writes that the task of the teacher is to be open, rather than attached to outcomes. It will be different for me to not get to a certain level in my own meditation, and perhaps that’s yet another lesson. Time to show up, and be open.
Of course, the bottom line: it’s about fear.
I cannot continue this constant meditation any longer. I must put it aside and work on it as I can, for now. Although I am making progress, there are too many other people who are anxious to spend time with me, and too many other obligations, and the Universe seems to be guiding me to slow down. I don’t seem to have the luxury of continuing. If I was attached to the outcome, I could be very resentful of others slowing my growth, but I realize they may be as stuck in their own process as I am stuck in mine, and perhaps the Universe has sent me to help them get unstuck. My local student seems confused about her fear, but she isn’t. My other student is working hard, having named her fear – and is busy kicking ass. One in my life has worked desperately hard for the last several days in my absence - at last report, she is now experiencing bhoga at high speed in a 2005 Mustang convertible. Another seems very stuck. Finally, Tam needs me to be present as she finishes the last hurdle of her program – and I haven’t been.
So, what have I learned? I’ve learned I still have deep shields that hide themselves when I hunt for them. I learned that formality is sometimes a clue to them, although not always. I strive to be able to choose to have no shields, at any time. Sometimes, I can effortlessly drop my shields. Sometimes, I can drop them with effort. Sometimes, I believe I have dropped my shields – but I haven’t. Sometimes I am just not capable of dropping them at all, even when I expend effort. I think that spending time with the people I am spending time with may reinforce my old ways, but then – the Universe only puts before me that which I need to learn. There is still something in my own Ego that still doesn’t trust. I need the BF, and her way of meeting-my-energy-and-matching-it nurturing, and she arrives next week. Perhaps my obligations will allow me to resume my meditation then, and perhaps that’s what the Universe wants.
So, then. I’m back. I have enjoyed being able to focus exclusively on my own growth, but now it’s time to help others, as well. Arrien writes that the task of the warrior is to show up, to be visible and empower others through example and intention. He also writes that the task of the teacher is to be open, rather than attached to outcomes. It will be different for me to not get to a certain level in my own meditation, and perhaps that’s yet another lesson. Time to show up, and be open.
