My advice for a few hurting Warriors, including myself

If you love, then naturally everything else in the Universe falls in place. People make choices about loving you back, and how they love you back. Laugh, breathe, and love anyway, even though that hurts. Anger, in that circumstance, is less effective – although anger is not negative, and anger is a powerful force for energy, motivation, and change. Nothing really dies - it just changes and evolves, but not always in the ways that we prefer; sometimes, there is victory and triumph, sometimes there is sadness and loss.

Nothing is insignificant. Equally, nothing is permanent, except that we are agents of change for each other in the Universe, whether we choose to be or not. Sometimes, you get to choose how you teach others, sometimes you don’t. Our culture does not often encourage feeling good about ourselves, and it requires strength to create a culture(s) that’s more effective for you. Gain strength from training and discipline. Keep faith, especially when it’s hard to hang on to it. Find the healing power in grieving.

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. If action is required, then act – with compassion. Put a daily limit on self-pity. Allow it – but limit it. Work through it. It’s really fear. If you are ever going to have people trust you, you must trust them first. Recognize daily that you are going to die. Prepare for this, so that you can be more involved in the here and now, while it’s going on. That’s Bushido.

Don’t be stuck in the past, and don’t remember every negative thing, every mistake, that the other person made throughout the relationship - remember that they have changed, perhaps at a different rate or in different ways than you. Believe in the goodness of others, because we cannot see what we could be – and they’ll tell us. Accept this, with courage. Yes, it hurts. Do it anyway, because you’re a Warrior. Stay fully present when with that other person; stay focused only on what’s going on between the two of you. Think only of that person at that moment, and learn to pay attention because it hurts more when you don’t. Be as concerned with their situation as you are about your own.

You’re a Warrior, and very used to risk. You risk your body and your life, why not risk relationships? Risk opening up to them, risk giving them your heart and having them see who you are. Risk developing relationships, risk destroying them, and risk changing them. Accept that these things can and will happen, and do them anyway, even if it’s “hopeless,” because the rewards far exceed the risks, even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. The lessons are far too valuable.

Blessings to all of you. Hope this helps.

From Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom

“… detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience *penetrate* you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you *fully*. That’s how you are able to leave it.

Take any emotion - love for a woman, or grief for a loved one…. if you hold back on the emotions - if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them - you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.

But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. … I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.

Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely - but eventually be able to say, ‘All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I’m not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I’m going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I’m going to experience them as well.”