An Update

[grim23]

Speaking of knights, I went to the SCA tournament this last weekend; I won 7 of 9 bouts, which put me at third place. As this was a pirate revel, and I didn't say, "avast ye landlubber, I'll send ye to Davy Jones' locker" while I was saluting and killing my opponents, I won no extra points piratical---but I was not unhappy with my fighting performance, especially as I hadn't put my SCA armor on for a year. I took care of a few ugly honor duels, served the High Table, and swore appropriate fealty. After leaving the event, I was interviewed, and interviewed, for a position of honor with a Lady. It seemed to go well; much information was exchanged and much clarity was achieved. It was a promising start, and will lead to continued talking. Said lady gifted me with her favour, to be worn on the field of battle, after much more gentle talking and discussion of what her favour means. I've not worn a Lady's favour in years, and I am unsure she knows what she gifted me.

I am still planning on moving and selling the Sanctum Sanctorum by the end of next month, and I continue to pack my possessions into carefully labeled and master-listed boxes.

My work pressure has backed off a bit, as I have become more careful and guarded around People Of Low Esteem And Motivation who are threatened by power/control dynamics, and I have become very careful to document exactly what I do (thank you, R. Moran). My clients are all still alive and mostly doing well. The office really had to struggle to come up with several poor examples of how I intimidate them, and I really ended up just feeling sorry for what's gong on in their lives, as well as learning how to not come across as threatening when they've done something wrong. Stay? Maybe. I've checking into options; I think they are unknowing how poorly they handled this and how much of my loyalty they have lost.

Karatedo is still a major focus in my life, although there are no plans for a promotion anytime soon.

My clients, dissertation, packing boxes, and karatedo will consume my time for the next week. Then? Riding season, Beltane, new and different weapons, and new armour. Oh, and finding a new place to live.

Comments

Only your closest friends will tell you when you have broccoli in your teeth.

[jic]

SCA: Glad you had a good weekend

Moving: are congratulations or condolences in order?

Work: Well, I wasn't trying for a smackdown when I started typing, but I wouldn't say anything at all if I didn't give a shit.

It's good to be more careful. "Guarded" suggests protecting yourself rather than others, which is emphasized by terming them "People Of Low Esteem And Motivation." Most people are uncomfortable with power and control dynamics, and prefer life that way. Don't criticize us for it.

Documentation is good for all, especially since it is hard to identify examples of behavior one has been tolerating so long it is only visible as a pattern - a case of not seeing the trees for the forest. I wish your colleagues had taken the time to do so before raising their concerns: it would have been more productive in general and more instructive for you.

It's great to learn to not come across as threatening when they've erred, but how about not turning every simple conversation into a contest? How about breaking the pattern of condescension? "I know things you don't know" as exhibited by laughter when there's no joke, or "...I am unsure she knows...." or "...I think they are unknowing...." None of it taken alone is cause for rancor, but once the pattern is established, it makes it difficult to have a friendly conversation.

Re: Only your closest friends will tell you when you have broccoli in your teeth.

[grim23]

In order: thank you for telling me about my teeth. :>
Thank you; it needed to happen.
Congratulations are in order; thank you again.

I do not and did not intend to criticize you or others for your chosen passivity and uncomfortableness with psychodymanics, and I disagree that many are uncomfortable with it, as it is part of the interpersonal communication styles that exist in this culture. If you choose not to communicate within that system, that's fine--but this may limit your life experiences.

I believe that the reason I am less than loyal and guarded is because they have had difficulty communicating anything negative at all, and they percieve a power control dynamic that isn't always there, they react badly, and then have communicated it badly. Other conversations with other people, in my attempt to understand, have used that term as an analogy. I agree, documentation or even a good example would have been more instructive; I am open for learning from all, but I do learn better from private conversations rather than 'smackdowns'.

We all know things that others don't know. Often I am trying to get a perspective for myself when I write in this journal, and if someone is unknowing, that's a perspective. When I write I think, and often I learn. If you think I'm being condescending, and turning every conversation into a contest, please tell me in a friendly conversation. Offline. Thanks. :>

Grim

Re: Only your closest friends will tell you when you have broccoli in your teeth.

[nericksx.livejournal.com]

I was sooooo not going to get in the middle of this fray, but then when have I been able to resist a good fray?

please tell me in a friendly conversation. Offline. IMHO, I am thinking that the reason that you weren't afforded a friendly offline conversation, is that apparently (if you read the post carefully) JIC feels that it is hard to have a friendly conversation with you. Hence the unplanned *smackdown* in a safer and more familiar environment where one is less likely to feel bullied.

It is certainly your journal and I suppose I have to right to have it shaped however you want. However, it does kind of defeat the "community forum" aspect when you ask that your online community censor themselves. If you're gonna put it out there, then prepare for the occasional frank conversation that airs your dirty laundry to the blog-reading public. That is the hazard and the charm of this medium, yes? True, your journal could continue to be that place where go to convalesce by having the majority of your posting community fawn all over you, tend to your wounds, stroke your ego and tell you what you want to hear... but what would be the fun in that?

You still have broccoli - but don't we all,
nericksx

Re: Only your closest friends will tell you when you have broccoli in your teeth.

[grim23]

Indeed, you have never been able to resist. :>

My journal is usually where I try to reflect and think, and update others, not turn into a wrestling match. I'm not used to being confronted here.

You're right. Must go brush my teeth.

Congratulations... and Continued Support

[aurorawyndancer.livejournal.com]

You have won important battles, and it is lovely to see you smile again... you have many battles yet to come... and you will fight bravely and with honor. Congratulations on your victories... both on and off the battlefields... and sending you continuous support, encouragement, and strength for those yet ahead. I believe in you.

~Aurora

p.s. Your broccoli friend... he has some good points, and obviously cares greatly for you... sometimes the truth hurts, but coming from a friend who loves us can lessen the blows *hugs*

Re: Congratulations... and Continued Support

[grim23]

Thank you for the support. *bow*

My broccoli friend does indeed have good points, and does care. She has wisdom and knowledge I very much respect. I expect we'll be talking soon.

Luck isn't what we expect to happen ~ Congratulations Lucky

[ms-pinkk.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it doesn't seem very fair, especially when you always put more than expected of you. Dedication, hard work, giver w/o expectations, and actions before reaction are all parts of the same you I wanted it documented here for you
~ *grinning bratt* even *curtsy*

as I have become more careful and guarded around People Of Low Esteem And Motivation who are threatened by power/control dynamics, and I have become very careful to document exactly what I do
~ when you ride down this would be fun to explore, I document things now as proof to self they are wrong its probably not the healthiest way for either of us butt I share the getting it out, and it is reminding me to shut up once in awhile
(*Sorry* not right now)

I think they are unknowing how poorly they handled this and how much of my loyalty they have lost
Loyalty: faithful to ones ideals; friends; family; country
I'm sorry I know it hurts more then they will ever feel, hope to understand or you would ever let it be known
~ squishyness & so much love, warmth, *HUGS* for you always

Re: Luck isn't what we expect to happen ~ Congratulations Lucky

[grim23]

Thanks. :>

Love, Grim