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What I'm learning
Mar. 14th, 2008 06:09 pmSo, I've been in a mindset where I've been learning and working with grief. I've been to a seminar on transformative grief, been working on this with clients and with friends, reading friend's blogs, and been doing much of my own process, even if I've not been talking about it. I'm open to the universe showing me what I need to learn. There is no protective bubble of denial keeping me from awareness; I've opened that box and thrown the box away - now I am doing something with the contents.
There is a lot of loss in many people's lives, including mine. What I have actually lost is less important. I'm blessed with what I do have, like my health, my friends, my cat, and my practice. I've recently gotten excellent counsel about ways to help Phaedrus, and my practice continues to slowly grow and teach me, as well. However, to suffer is to grow - building character and perspective, and faith that everything is as it is to be.
I am reminded by my clients, even today, that beneath grief there is often anger, and helplessness and fear. Anger spends itself when allowed, and can be spent without harm to anyone - unless it's stopped, and held, and built into resentment and hate. Grief accumulates, and requires time and energy that people may not want to spend. Grief requires someone to witness it, and the grief and its significance has to be respected, honored, and trusted. It does not evaporate over time by itself.
People often get angry when they are vulnerable, because they are socialized to use anger as a strength point - unless they learn other ways. The uchideshi visiting me last weekend reinforced those other ways, and encouraged vulnerability - a lesson for both of us. Strength, in my opinion, is compassion and mindfulness.
For those on my friend's list, and others, I offer compassion and forgiveness, from Robin Casarjian's book, as "a bold choice for a peaceful heart," as a transformation for grief and anger. The alternative, not forgiving and remaining in anger/fear, is a very heavy load that I do not wish to carry. I wish you all peace and health, and may you find your own ways of transforming grief and anger and fear.
There is a lot of loss in many people's lives, including mine. What I have actually lost is less important. I'm blessed with what I do have, like my health, my friends, my cat, and my practice. I've recently gotten excellent counsel about ways to help Phaedrus, and my practice continues to slowly grow and teach me, as well. However, to suffer is to grow - building character and perspective, and faith that everything is as it is to be.
I am reminded by my clients, even today, that beneath grief there is often anger, and helplessness and fear. Anger spends itself when allowed, and can be spent without harm to anyone - unless it's stopped, and held, and built into resentment and hate. Grief accumulates, and requires time and energy that people may not want to spend. Grief requires someone to witness it, and the grief and its significance has to be respected, honored, and trusted. It does not evaporate over time by itself.
People often get angry when they are vulnerable, because they are socialized to use anger as a strength point - unless they learn other ways. The uchideshi visiting me last weekend reinforced those other ways, and encouraged vulnerability - a lesson for both of us. Strength, in my opinion, is compassion and mindfulness.
For those on my friend's list, and others, I offer compassion and forgiveness, from Robin Casarjian's book, as "a bold choice for a peaceful heart," as a transformation for grief and anger. The alternative, not forgiving and remaining in anger/fear, is a very heavy load that I do not wish to carry. I wish you all peace and health, and may you find your own ways of transforming grief and anger and fear.
