FOG? Sigh.

[grim23]

The Darklady's succinct post was that I get lost in form and forget function. Hmmm. My journal entry does seem to have gone there. My last journal entry does seem to be more about the form, the Friends of Grim, than allowing me to buy a clue, the function. I do surround myself with a myriad of strong friends from different subcultures, and I understand this opportunity for those friends who chose to comment to mingle and communicate was irresistible.

Well. Let me summarize the last 39 posts. Using chaos as a shield and as a weapon to end burdensome relationships, and also chi to abuse power dynamics is something I can use and consider. Perhaps the silk is too tight around the iron. I am not unhappy with anyone, and I asked for this, and there is no need for anger or apologies or permission. All of my friends have honor in their way, and their own perspectives including grief, loss, love, and anger still allow me to learn from them, even when I have not spoken to them in some time. This is not the first time I have been gifted with the concept of Chaos.


Nericksx wrote, "As to the quagmire that poor Grim's LJ has become: strangely, this forum has become about the the posters (for some) and not the postee. In everyone's defense, Grim asked for it. Whether you feel it is right or wrong to take him up on it is another matter. I doubt anyone here (most CERTAINLY not me) would have the courage to take off one's armor and hand out rocks. If Grim wants his LJ community to oblige him in creating a digital gauntlet, who are we to deny him that? I think that as long the insight is kept reasonably general (no, "remember that time back in '97 when you said....") and done in a true spirit of helpfulness and caring, then it can be nothing but positive, if hard to take."

Those who really know me well know that I am trying to rest my Warrior Self, and my armour has been used up for some time, and not yet replaced. Yet, the analogy fits. Gauntlet? Nope. That means I'm running away. I'm going to stand here, again without judgment or comment.

Throw rocks.

Comments

The BF speaks (part 1)

[voluptasia.livejournal.com]

First of all, it feels weird to me to respond to all these people who are seemingly attacking you (starting with the broccoli friends who sparked your postings of 4/22). I have a hard time reading and digesting your long post with the astrology and all, *and* reading all the responses from your friends, and their responses to each other. So I'll confess I haven't read all of it, merely skimmed for the parts that catch my attention, and I'm glad I did because some of the comments gave me inspiration for what I have to say. I gather that you're asking for honest feedback about who and how you are in your interactions with others and in your journal, so that's what I'll give you.

I agree that your journal is yours and you can post what you want. If people judge it, that's their issue. However, I also agree that you use it to your advantage as a forum to both gather and provide information, both clearly and cryptically. I know this because I do the same thing with my live journal. I agree that it's a place where people can "fawn all over you" (or offer you support and validation). Also it's a place where people can offer you criticism, as you've seen in the past couple of weeks.

Enough about the journal. Here are my observations:

You look at the world through the template of a power dynamic. I remember when you first introduced this concept to me. You said - if power were on one end of a continuum and control were on the other, where would you be on that continuum, and what would it take for you to give up some of one to move toward the other? I asked for clear definitions of power and control. You explained power is creating change, and control is keeping things the same. I soon realized I am on the control end and you're on the power end. You're *WAY* out there on the power end. This fostered in me a futile sense of competition, like you had the corner of the market on power and I would never get to where you are, at least not without a lot of work. I have since learned that you can be on either end of the spectrum, although you prefer to hang out on the power end, even when you're demonstrating a large amount of control. I guess for you the middle ground is kind of shaky - you prefer to be on one end or the other. Or, maybe it's more like a balance beam - in every relationship, there's someone with more power and someone with more control. I started looking at many things in my life with this dynamic, and it was quite an eye-opener for me. So there's that.

Another observation about you - you put 100% into everything you do. Well, almost everything. The times I've seen you get a bad attitude about some obligation, I've pointed out to you that your source of stress is that you are a 100% person, and for the thing that you have an attitude about, you're giving much less than that. If you can't give it 100%, it's not worth doing. This can be a good thing, except, as I pointed out in the case of your coworkers, you're dealing with people who operate at a steady 80% (or whatever variable). I notice you tend to choose friends, at least the closer ones, who give much closer to the 100% level. The ones that skate by at 80% or less eventually aren't worth your time. This can cause an 80% person to perceive you as condescending, when really you're just functioning on a different level than that person. (BTW, I'm not talking about anyone in your LJ who's posted to this thread... this is completely about you, and I'm choosing to post it here because I think you'd like to keep it here (as a record) and because some of your friends might find some value and insight in it).