FOG? Sigh.
Apr. 25th, 2005 10:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grim23The Darklady's succinct post was that I get lost in form and forget function. Hmmm. My journal entry does seem to have gone there. My last journal entry does seem to be more about the form, the Friends of Grim, than allowing me to buy a clue, the function. I do surround myself with a myriad of strong friends from different subcultures, and I understand this opportunity for those friends who chose to comment to mingle and communicate was irresistible.
Well. Let me summarize the last 39 posts. Using chaos as a shield and as a weapon to end burdensome relationships, and also chi to abuse power dynamics is something I can use and consider. Perhaps the silk is too tight around the iron. I am not unhappy with anyone, and I asked for this, and there is no need for anger or apologies or permission. All of my friends have honor in their way, and their own perspectives including grief, loss, love, and anger still allow me to learn from them, even when I have not spoken to them in some time. This is not the first time I have been gifted with the concept of Chaos.
Nericksx wrote, "As to the quagmire that poor Grim's LJ has become: strangely, this forum has become about the the posters (for some) and not the postee. In everyone's defense, Grim asked for it. Whether you feel it is right or wrong to take him up on it is another matter. I doubt anyone here (most CERTAINLY not me) would have the courage to take off one's armor and hand out rocks. If Grim wants his LJ community to oblige him in creating a digital gauntlet, who are we to deny him that? I think that as long the insight is kept reasonably general (no, "remember that time back in '97 when you said....") and done in a true spirit of helpfulness and caring, then it can be nothing but positive, if hard to take."
Those who really know me well know that I am trying to rest my Warrior Self, and my armour has been used up for some time, and not yet replaced. Yet, the analogy fits. Gauntlet? Nope. That means I'm running away. I'm going to stand here, again without judgment or comment.
Throw rocks.
Well. Let me summarize the last 39 posts. Using chaos as a shield and as a weapon to end burdensome relationships, and also chi to abuse power dynamics is something I can use and consider. Perhaps the silk is too tight around the iron. I am not unhappy with anyone, and I asked for this, and there is no need for anger or apologies or permission. All of my friends have honor in their way, and their own perspectives including grief, loss, love, and anger still allow me to learn from them, even when I have not spoken to them in some time. This is not the first time I have been gifted with the concept of Chaos.
Nericksx wrote, "As to the quagmire that poor Grim's LJ has become: strangely, this forum has become about the the posters (for some) and not the postee. In everyone's defense, Grim asked for it. Whether you feel it is right or wrong to take him up on it is another matter. I doubt anyone here (most CERTAINLY not me) would have the courage to take off one's armor and hand out rocks. If Grim wants his LJ community to oblige him in creating a digital gauntlet, who are we to deny him that? I think that as long the insight is kept reasonably general (no, "remember that time back in '97 when you said....") and done in a true spirit of helpfulness and caring, then it can be nothing but positive, if hard to take."
Those who really know me well know that I am trying to rest my Warrior Self, and my armour has been used up for some time, and not yet replaced. Yet, the analogy fits. Gauntlet? Nope. That means I'm running away. I'm going to stand here, again without judgment or comment.
Throw rocks.
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The BF speaks (part 2)
Date: 2005-05-03 11:44 pm (UTC)You often take the 'client confidentiality' thing way too far. I completely understand and respect this as it relates to your work - it's absolutely essential and I wholeheartedly respect the example you set in this area, how important it is to you. However, in your personal life, there are some situations where a little disclosure could prevent misunderstandings. Sometimes you're vague when you don't need to be. This diminishes trust in relationships. Once I discovered this about you, I learned that if I wanted to know more details, I had to ask you. I either had to trust that you were telling me only what I needed to know, or risk overstepping my bounds by asking you something that may be none of my business. I know now that my fear of overstepping my bounds with you is my own, and that if I do, you will clearly and firmly let me know.
Which brings me to another point. You are very gentle in your personal interactions with others. You listen, and offer validation and support. However, when it comes to expressing how *you* feel, you are sometimes not clear. You strive for balance (you Libra, you!) between being gentle and being clear. Sometimes you are so gentle you are not clear, or you are quite clear but not very gentle.
Something k said in her response to you helped me formulate a concept that's been brewing in my mind since we first started hanging out together - since the AOR Conference in Eugene. To paraphrase, she said something about 1) unique, un-recreatable experiences with you, and 2) an illusion of the depth of a relationship with you. Add this to the concept in my head and I would call it the 'celebrity factor'. I remember the picture of us at the conference, and have often thought that the expression on your face, your presence there - it seemed to me that either I was posing with a celebrity for the picture, or you were.
My point is, you have this larger-than-life essence, which draws people to you. You love people being drawn to you - you get all kinds of attention for it. You create beautiful once-in-a-lifetime experiences, also something people are drawn to. Your counseling skills and conversational skills give people the feeling that they are the most important thing to you in that moment. This is by no means a bad thing. I just see it as an explanation for the stress in your interpersonal relationships. People often read more into your attention to them than you really mean to offer, leading to an illusion of a deeper relationship than you intend.
So there it is. Do with it what you will. I hope you find this insightful, and that you read into it the love with which it was written.