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grim23OK, so now six people have said to me that I sound stressed and tired.
I seem to have good reason. One of my clients, after trying really hard to kill herself, remains hospitalized. My right leg has a torn muscle that makes seiza, and any real stress on it, very painful, despite a leg brace. Another friend may go to jail, and another has escaped from jail. Dissertation. No internship. Money. $200 Stupid tax. My parents have moved to Texas. My Little Girl has a kidney infection, and I know she's hurting and I cannot make it go away. My BF isn't in a good headspace. I was not able to work the Darklady party. Samhain, the Time of Change and Death, and the end of the Chaos Cycle, looms, and I become more introspective. I have a new name, but haven't been named, which may help. My Little Girl and I are entering into the possibility of a higher commitment after discussion and negotiation, but her concerns and stress about her schoolwork reduce her time. And just today, I found out that in about six months, I will be replaced as Clinical Director due to a downsizing of the psychiatrists and staff and replaced with a strictly administrative person, although I can and will resume a full-time practice until my Internship.
But, the Fortress of Solitude continues to solidify and grow stronger, as empty boxes leave and the boxes for Goodwill grow. The Asian themes create calm and strength. My class continues to go well at Willamette. Phaedrus is well. My Sister seems close to being through much of her stuff, and that is very good. The Czarina had a good birthday party, and I am a Steele's Dojo Karate All-Star. I winter-camped at a magical place with Tamarta and with an Elder, and forged a start of a new friendship. I have had good scotch and a fine cigar. And, my BF and my Little Girl love me.
“The ultimate aim of the art of karate lies not in victory or defeat, but in the perfection of the characters of its participants.”
- Gichin Funakoshi
I seem to have good reason. One of my clients, after trying really hard to kill herself, remains hospitalized. My right leg has a torn muscle that makes seiza, and any real stress on it, very painful, despite a leg brace. Another friend may go to jail, and another has escaped from jail. Dissertation. No internship. Money. $200 Stupid tax. My parents have moved to Texas. My Little Girl has a kidney infection, and I know she's hurting and I cannot make it go away. My BF isn't in a good headspace. I was not able to work the Darklady party. Samhain, the Time of Change and Death, and the end of the Chaos Cycle, looms, and I become more introspective. I have a new name, but haven't been named, which may help. My Little Girl and I are entering into the possibility of a higher commitment after discussion and negotiation, but her concerns and stress about her schoolwork reduce her time. And just today, I found out that in about six months, I will be replaced as Clinical Director due to a downsizing of the psychiatrists and staff and replaced with a strictly administrative person, although I can and will resume a full-time practice until my Internship.
But, the Fortress of Solitude continues to solidify and grow stronger, as empty boxes leave and the boxes for Goodwill grow. The Asian themes create calm and strength. My class continues to go well at Willamette. Phaedrus is well. My Sister seems close to being through much of her stuff, and that is very good. The Czarina had a good birthday party, and I am a Steele's Dojo Karate All-Star. I winter-camped at a magical place with Tamarta and with an Elder, and forged a start of a new friendship. I have had good scotch and a fine cigar. And, my BF and my Little Girl love me.
“The ultimate aim of the art of karate lies not in victory or defeat, but in the perfection of the characters of its participants.”
- Gichin Funakoshi
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-24 09:30 pm (UTC)You do have good reason.
Think of it this way: Your life has been built around chaos for a long time, yes? And you have been trying to change that, yes? So the things in your life that create chaos need to change too because they are built on, perpetuate, and feed off of chaos. So OF COURSE it's all changing right now because you are changing and that which does not serve you will fall away.
Even if you don't think you want it to.
Even your little girl's pain forces you to look at your commitments, at what is really important and how your need to adjust in order to make space for the new you. Chaos can be confined remarkably well when you have a clear understanding of what your priorities are and where they lay.
At least that's what I might say if I was a wise person. Which I'm not saying I am. :P
Once the student...
Date: 2005-10-24 11:52 pm (UTC)"A good teacher is a master of simplification and an enemy of simplism."
Louis A. Berman
Thank you. *bow*
Love,
Grim
no subject
Date: 2005-10-24 10:01 pm (UTC)I also know personally someone else who cares a lot about you. :)
Lucky Bastard!
~TigressSky~
no subject
Date: 2005-10-24 11:49 pm (UTC)*blinks innocently*
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Date: 2005-10-24 11:54 pm (UTC)And thanks again for dinner and conversation. Talking to others always teaches me much, and this would have been a quite different post without you.
With respect,
Grim
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Date: 2005-10-25 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 06:29 pm (UTC)All things come down for a reason.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 10:36 pm (UTC)Thank you, Ms. Pinkk. :>