grim23 | For the BF, and my students and my teachers and my friends

The author is Ruthie O. Grant.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . . when in the
midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere
the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or
struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind
tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you
blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look
at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it`s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to
change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the
next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming
and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren`t always
fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any
guarantee of `happily ever after` must begin with you and in the process a sense of
serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone
willalways love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are . . .and
that`s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn
the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a
sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to
you (or didn`t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can
really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don`t always say what
they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there
for you and that it`s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your
own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and
security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as
they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the
process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world
around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been
ingrained into your psyche.

You begin to sift through all the crap you`ve been fed about how you
should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should
wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you
should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who
you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of
having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And
you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to
discard the doctrines and values you`ve outgrown, or should never have
bought into to begin with ,and in the process you learn to go with your
instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is
power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering
through life merely as a `consumer` looking for your next fix. Your learn that
principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of
a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which
you must build a life.

You learn that you don`t know everything, that it`s not your job to
save the world and that you can`t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish
between guilt and responsibility, and you learn the importance of
setting boundaries and of learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to
bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the
stake.

Then you learn about love: Romantic love and familiar love. You learn
how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk
away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a
relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more
lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the
child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really
are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people,
situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change
so it is with love. And you learn that you don`t have the right to demand
love on your terms.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the
mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a
perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and
agonizing over how you `stack up.`

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing
things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of
entitlement are perfectly OK, and you learn that it is your right to want things
and to ask for the things that you want--and that sometimes it is necessary to
make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you decide you won`t settle for
less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to
glorify you with his or her touch . . . and in the process you internalize the
meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to
care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet,
drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue
diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more
time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So
you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you
deserve . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling
prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that
wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making
it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success
you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no
one can do it all alone and that it`s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber
baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your
fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to
give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living
under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn`t always fair, you
don`t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes `bad` things
happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to
personalize things. You learn that God isn`t punishing you or failing
to answer your prayers. It`s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego. You
learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be
understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and
poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are
wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple
things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can
only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed,
a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and
you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to
settle for less than your heart`s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside
your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make a point to keep
smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you
begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.