Samhain

[grim23]

It’s almost as if I and others expect me to fall apart, because this is the time of year when I am supposed to fall apart, and have fallen apart in the past. Simply because I have had that pattern in the past does not mean I have to continue that pattern. Identifying with a specific role in a pattern simply gives the pattern even more power. Divesting myself of that belief system of myself and of others, frees me. My inner being is strong or weak depending on how I feel about myself and how I understand the nature of energy and metaphysical reality.

I can make a choice about whether or not I will be depressed. It’s my choice if I chose to become anxious. It’s my choice whether or not I will be angry. It’s my choice whether or not I will be afraid. Ho, ho. I will approach the season as one where I can become even more introspective, and turn the pattern into something I can use.

Wilde writes that dedication is the Warrior’s prayer to him or herself, a mode of “fierce concentration.” This means becoming fiercely dedicated to myself, concentrating on my needs and projects that improve me, taking time to acknowledge that I am here in this plane of existence to develop my evolution. This means creating a newer meaning for my life for myself and my loved ones that will continue to build and grow over time. Therefore, with heightened perception, courage, will and determination, I accept complete responsibility for my life.

Instead of falling apart, I will sleep better. I will eat better. I will continue to practice balancing myself, tantrically and otherwise. I will reexamine my exercise program, and work my body more effectively to supplement my Tang Soo Do training. Instead of depression, I will train my Tang Soo Do at a level higher than my rank. I have found out that I have passed my 9th Gup test, and I was asked to privately test for 8th Gup before the next testing cycle, but this also means that I will be expected to perform better than the average 8th Gup student. However, once I have achieved 8th Gup, I am allowed to privately train with Master Tim with nunchuku. Ok. That’s my incentive, which will provide motivation to work harder and focus more.

Getting clear on exactly what I want is the first step in manifesting my goals. I’m working on what it is that I bring to a relationship, what I expect from a relationship, how I communicate, and what it is I still have to work on. This week, I expect to start writing down and increasing my awareness of this, and then manifesting changes.

Happy Samhain, ya’ll.

Comments

[jharma.livejournal.com]

I still think Taijiquan would greatly benefit you in countless ways. I think it will teach you the balancing abilities to your Tang Soo Do. Instead of heightened awareness (which is something you already do well) Taijiquan will help you achieve stillness of mind, body and soul. It is through stillness of mind, body and soul that one can truly let go of so much that no longer serves us anyways. I still think that's one area you could stand to nurture and develop. (referring to that stillness of mind/body/soul) I wish I had the chance to teach you some of it, so you would know what I mean.

One of the things I learned while working with you was that we all have tendencies towards repeating patterns, no matter how good our intentions or determined we are to break them. Until we actually face the unresolved issue which is causing the repeated patterns in the first place, and embrace the truth buried behind it, those patterns will continue to repeat themselves.

It was because of you that I was able to see this, and embrace this. It was because of you that I was able to deal with some of the most self defeating patterns I never wanted to face about myself. And because of that, I was actually able to break those self defeating patterns.

I think this is the perfect opportunity to say thank you, and that I hope I can repay the debt someday.

Jharma

[jharma.livejournal.com]

Forgot to mention (I am forever forgetting things. So much for breaking all my patterns lol) that one of the biggest self defeating patterns I found within myself was how I went about solving problems.

I got better and better able to recognize my shortcomings, but I always went about solving them the same old way, not realizing that how I was solving the problem was PART of the problem. I wasn't truly solving the problem, only convincing myself that I was.

Yeah, an important part of the message I know, but I wanted you to know anyways.

Jharma

[grim23]

Hmmm. Tang Soo Do has an element of more flowing control of your movements similar to Taijiquan, and also my tantric training has helped with my body/mind/spirit stillness. You're right, though, I can use work in that area.

I am honored to have been able to help you, or more correctly, provide what you needed to be able to help yourself.

I have copied what you said into my private journal, and I will work on that. Thank you very much. Perhaps you have just repaid me. *smile*

Namaste,
Grim