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grim23It’s almost as if I and others expect me to fall apart, because this is the time of year when I am supposed to fall apart, and have fallen apart in the past. Simply because I have had that pattern in the past does not mean I have to continue that pattern. Identifying with a specific role in a pattern simply gives the pattern even more power. Divesting myself of that belief system of myself and of others, frees me. My inner being is strong or weak depending on how I feel about myself and how I understand the nature of energy and metaphysical reality.
I can make a choice about whether or not I will be depressed. It’s my choice if I chose to become anxious. It’s my choice whether or not I will be angry. It’s my choice whether or not I will be afraid. Ho, ho. I will approach the season as one where I can become even more introspective, and turn the pattern into something I can use.
Wilde writes that dedication is the Warrior’s prayer to him or herself, a mode of “fierce concentration.” This means becoming fiercely dedicated to myself, concentrating on my needs and projects that improve me, taking time to acknowledge that I am here in this plane of existence to develop my evolution. This means creating a newer meaning for my life for myself and my loved ones that will continue to build and grow over time. Therefore, with heightened perception, courage, will and determination, I accept complete responsibility for my life.
Instead of falling apart, I will sleep better. I will eat better. I will continue to practice balancing myself, tantrically and otherwise. I will reexamine my exercise program, and work my body more effectively to supplement my Tang Soo Do training. Instead of depression, I will train my Tang Soo Do at a level higher than my rank. I have found out that I have passed my 9th Gup test, and I was asked to privately test for 8th Gup before the next testing cycle, but this also means that I will be expected to perform better than the average 8th Gup student. However, once I have achieved 8th Gup, I am allowed to privately train with Master Tim with nunchuku. Ok. That’s my incentive, which will provide motivation to work harder and focus more.
Getting clear on exactly what I want is the first step in manifesting my goals. I’m working on what it is that I bring to a relationship, what I expect from a relationship, how I communicate, and what it is I still have to work on. This week, I expect to start writing down and increasing my awareness of this, and then manifesting changes.
Happy Samhain, ya’ll.
I can make a choice about whether or not I will be depressed. It’s my choice if I chose to become anxious. It’s my choice whether or not I will be angry. It’s my choice whether or not I will be afraid. Ho, ho. I will approach the season as one where I can become even more introspective, and turn the pattern into something I can use.
Wilde writes that dedication is the Warrior’s prayer to him or herself, a mode of “fierce concentration.” This means becoming fiercely dedicated to myself, concentrating on my needs and projects that improve me, taking time to acknowledge that I am here in this plane of existence to develop my evolution. This means creating a newer meaning for my life for myself and my loved ones that will continue to build and grow over time. Therefore, with heightened perception, courage, will and determination, I accept complete responsibility for my life.
Instead of falling apart, I will sleep better. I will eat better. I will continue to practice balancing myself, tantrically and otherwise. I will reexamine my exercise program, and work my body more effectively to supplement my Tang Soo Do training. Instead of depression, I will train my Tang Soo Do at a level higher than my rank. I have found out that I have passed my 9th Gup test, and I was asked to privately test for 8th Gup before the next testing cycle, but this also means that I will be expected to perform better than the average 8th Gup student. However, once I have achieved 8th Gup, I am allowed to privately train with Master Tim with nunchuku. Ok. That’s my incentive, which will provide motivation to work harder and focus more.
Getting clear on exactly what I want is the first step in manifesting my goals. I’m working on what it is that I bring to a relationship, what I expect from a relationship, how I communicate, and what it is I still have to work on. This week, I expect to start writing down and increasing my awareness of this, and then manifesting changes.
Happy Samhain, ya’ll.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 03:49 am (UTC)She said, "Um, do you realize today is your late sister's birthday?"
And that, of course, was when it clicked that my subconscious grief was bleeding into all those interactions. And once identified, I could accept it. Ever since, I've used that time of year to remember her, and in remembering and missing her, keep emotional turmoil from the rest of my world.
It may not be such a simple solution for your situation, but it was something I'd never even considered until Mom brought it up.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-30 02:20 am (UTC)I have had a lot of lessons and changes, and my identity for the last five years has changed with the season as I processed that grief and loss, sometime to an almost clinical depression. This year I'm aware of the pattern and unwilling to let it interfere with my introspection and growth.
Thank you. I continue to value your thoughts, and they're almost always on target.
Grim