(no subject)

[grim23]

I find it very interesting that the Universe is having me work on my throat chakra. By having to reconnect to my extended network by email, and re-gather phone numbers because I found out my cell phone isn’t permanent press, I’ve had to consider many past relationships the last few days, and I have been slowed from newer relationships until I’ve had time to process those old relationships. I also note it’s another organization and reduction of yet another aspect of my life.

I realized yesterday that I have spent a lot of energy this year working on damage control with past relationships, including Tam; that is, making sure that what I did or didn’t do (communication, consistency, and awareness) wouldn’t happen to them again, particularly with specific relationships where the psychodynamics weren’t equal. There are people on my flist that I have hurt badly in the past, and it still effects them, as I found out when I went to Oregon. I have not spent nearly as much time working on my own damage from those relationships, which, Sienna, is the real reason I still have certain blocks I wasn’t even aware I had until you pointed them out.

I have now recently generated several similar existing and pending relationships, where I will need to risk similar experiences of people requiring my time and energy. I will again do my best to help them work through fear and anger and attachment by communicating and following through and being very clear with my expectations, without emotionally damaging them. I will also have to work harder on my own stuff, and heal as quickly as I can or at least not damage myself more. 

To Know is to Act. It’s comforting to feel self-doubt, that fear – because that tells me the direction I need to go. The Universe is sending me instructions, a new way to look at things, so that I may learn a lesson, and I’m grateful. The Universe has limitless energy for me to use, and infinite patience, and will keep sending this lesson over and over until I learn it. I’m not one to stand there and watch my opportunity to learn go by. Skill of doing, as JIC will tell you, comes of doing.

Let’s see if I can get it, this time.

Self-Acceptance is the victim of our fear, as we learn to loathe our
authentic self in order to protect ourselves from that which we fear. Yet
the price of that protection is self-destruction. The real you succumbs
to the fear and becomes the fearful you, the hiding you, the pretend in
order to be safe you, which of course is no safety for you at all.  - Jack Rinella

 

 

Comments

gathering new responsibilities...

[baileythorne.livejournal.com]

I have pondered why you would load yourself up with new responsibilities which you have a limited amount of time to invest. You seemed to have a need to feel helpful to others, but what at what cost? So now I see you are working something out as well. You should be clear with your new "family" in North Carolina about that, eh?

p.s. you looked marvelous on Saturday. Thank you for modeling with me and helping as you always do... I think we can now bestow the title "speed lacer" on your corset technique ;-)

Re: gathering new responsibilities...

[grim23]

I believe they are, as they all seem to read my lj. *smile* Of course, I will follow up with them about that.

I exist merely to help you look even more marvelous. *grin* I like the title of "speed lacer."

Namaste'

[nici13.livejournal.com]

thank you for sharing, this helped me get clear about my ideas of online friendships and what is and isn't working for me right now!

Re: Namaste'

[grim23]

It's often that I gather inspiration and thought from you, as well. It seems we often work on much the same thing. *smile*

gathering new responsibilities

[studentofgrim23.livejournal.com]

I have wondered if this was the case, and know how important it is to have time for ones self to heal. That can not be hurried, it just takes time.
I have always chose the path that was the hardest in my life, but I do it so those I care about can have/be/do what is best for them and not always me at that time. My time will come, or so I have been told.
Do what you have to and know I understand and will still care for my friend just as much.

Re: gathering new responsibilities

[grim23]

I will. I will also grow and learn, as I hope you will.

*bow*

Grim

[karlynmeow.livejournal.com]

Very interesting. Do you know, this is exactly the kind of information I need from you in order to maintain a healthier perspective on you? If you tell me what is going on with you, via this journal or privately, then I am not sitting here imagining monsters under the bed. I can't speak for all your other relationships, but reading this helped me understand you better, which made me feel better about our relationship in general. I also got some other wisdom from it to apply to myself.

Now, here's something....you're not the only one who can put aside needs to help another. I can do this too. In fact, I frequently do. So, I can put away "little" things for a while if that is needed. I can step back into healer mode. I learned some interesting things in crystal class I'd like to share with you. And...you are way overdue for a session.

[grim23]

Excellent. I am happy to provide it. I work on myself with knowledge of others working on their stuff, others work on themselves with knowledge of what I'm working on.

Let's talk...and definitely schedule a massage session.

[eurotopia.livejournal.com]

I am happy to say that your energy may be freed up in my case. I am happy with an occasional comment on my live journal from you. I don't need or want anything more with you. I don't think I have communicated this very well to you. I felt when you visited that you were trying very hard to connect with me out of some obligation and I just don't feel that way. You are my landlord and someone that used to be a friend and is now part of my community. I am satisfied with this.

[grim23]

There wasn't any obligation; I was genuinely curious how you were doing, and I wanted a few pleasant hours with you to reconnect. Yes, I'm your landlord and a member of your community - and I'm fine with that. One day, perhaps, we can be friends.

I'm glad to hear we don't have any more unresolved energy.

Peace and Blessings to you, and your family,
Grim

[jic]

*Sigh* Poor phone.

It always surprises me to see how very, very differently we see the world. I just don't think in terms of chakras, energy, psychodynamics, and the Universe. I think in terms of baggage, shields, respect and kindness, and God. Still, I am honored that you find my icon worth quoting.

And I'm glad you feel positive about your current position and vector.

[grim23]

I think our perspective, and how we label things to communicate with each other, is what makes us human, and allows us to consider what we need to work on so that we may indeed work on it.

I still consider you a person I can and do learn from, even your icons. *smile*

[sienna555.livejournal.com]

I read this and I realize that you are definitely working on the blockages we discovered together. HOWEVER, my friend...

It ain't about other people. It aint about your treatment of other people. It ain't about what they think you are doing, what they want you to do that you ain't doing, or what you shoulda done with them that you didn't. It ain't about none of that.

That blockage is about YOU. What is it that the Naked Flame wants that the Ego is resisting?

[grim23]

I'm not sure, yet. However, this seems to be the key to it. I'm working on it.