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May. 20th, 2007 01:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grim23This weekend I'm in Myrtle Beach, SC, in the middle of Bike Week. I'm not riding Growler; I'm here as a companion for Puff as a companion for a family wedding, not to hang with bikers. I'm enjoying the sounds of the Harleys, although I'm missing my own. This is a weekend away from my other responsibilities, and allow myself some introspection. I went running in my bare feet in the surf (think Chariots of Fire), until I got away from the other people enjoying a beautiful sunny day in the Atlantic Ocean, performed all of my forms in the sand, swam in the warm ocean, and then ran back in the surf - about 2-3 miles. I've also gotten to perform my forms in the moonlight on the deserted beach, and had two long walks...all giving me time to think and breathe.
I've had some phone time with Tam, and came to the conclusion I'm still invalidating her - but she's not meeting my needs to vent and be validated, either. There's a disconnect when you're 3000 miles away on a cel phone, and you're trying to focus on your needs, and she's trying to focus on hers. I apparently need to spend even more time validating and supporting her, although she seems to be processing and being aware of me being distracted by trying to get my needs met, as well. Marriages are times when couples spend time together, and families celebrate the joining and commitment of each other. What I was trying to tell Tam was that I was surrounded by couples, and I was feeling a need to connect to her, although I'm not sure if that was what she heard or what she wants. I have many time-consuming relationships, and she kept saying that I have no time for her, and that hurt. I always make time for her, to attempt to connect - sometimes connecting more successfully than others. Perhaps we don't acknowledge each other's efforts to do so enough.
But, this weekend was supposed to be a change to recharge and have time to think away from my local relationships, and that almost happened, except for one call. My other more local relationships have recently demanded almost daily late-night phone calls or conversations and several daily emails and/or lj entries, needing almost constant clarification and reassurance. Although one of the relationships has been formalized, there are still two left. Without looking, I'm sure at least one or two has left voicemail, and there are probably several emails from at least two of them. The Universe is trying to teach me a lesson about boundaries and clarity of communication, as well as patience and consistency. I'm spending too much time working on others, and not enough time on my own homework, and my own goals.
That's going to change.
I've had some phone time with Tam, and came to the conclusion I'm still invalidating her - but she's not meeting my needs to vent and be validated, either. There's a disconnect when you're 3000 miles away on a cel phone, and you're trying to focus on your needs, and she's trying to focus on hers. I apparently need to spend even more time validating and supporting her, although she seems to be processing and being aware of me being distracted by trying to get my needs met, as well. Marriages are times when couples spend time together, and families celebrate the joining and commitment of each other. What I was trying to tell Tam was that I was surrounded by couples, and I was feeling a need to connect to her, although I'm not sure if that was what she heard or what she wants. I have many time-consuming relationships, and she kept saying that I have no time for her, and that hurt. I always make time for her, to attempt to connect - sometimes connecting more successfully than others. Perhaps we don't acknowledge each other's efforts to do so enough.
But, this weekend was supposed to be a change to recharge and have time to think away from my local relationships, and that almost happened, except for one call. My other more local relationships have recently demanded almost daily late-night phone calls or conversations and several daily emails and/or lj entries, needing almost constant clarification and reassurance. Although one of the relationships has been formalized, there are still two left. Without looking, I'm sure at least one or two has left voicemail, and there are probably several emails from at least two of them. The Universe is trying to teach me a lesson about boundaries and clarity of communication, as well as patience and consistency. I'm spending too much time working on others, and not enough time on my own homework, and my own goals.
That's going to change.
