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Jun. 22nd, 2007 07:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grim23Ho, ho.
The work of a Warrior is to remain open and embrace fear, living a life of constant challenge without regret. The work of a Tantric is to grow and unlearn, examining parts of the Self that would rather stay hidden, and finding ways to become the Naked Flame. I continue to have change in the group and individual dynamics of my local relationships, and I’ve had to overcome an expectation that everyone can work, learn, and grow together as a group. I’ve had to face that even though I am a nurturing ‘natural’ father figure, I still have fear about failing in relationships, as similar relationships as I’ve had in the past have failed. I recognize that this fear is not useful.
The infected wound, the emotion-based thought patterns, moves away from the scalpel, and I do not currently have the time or the freedom from distractions for full dedicated exploration. Truth and honesty of the moment in communication seems to be my best hint, thanks to the BF, who came out to visit this last weekend. The clues keep coming in and yet I seem to be still hunting for the barrier. The resistance, and the spike of fear in my heart I have to keep removing, keeps leading back to Tam, and insights from the BF are both hope and fear. As I became more aware of where I am not growing, the drain from that not-growing area was becoming more noticeable, and affecting me more. I recognize this fear is not useful.
However, the more stuff I clear and consume without replacing from both my altar and my life, the lighter I feel --- and the less cluttered my brain. As I clear away distractions, the more I sense the loss of what was egoistic and ignorant bliss. If I can see without ego and simply observe, with the awareness that the Universe is unfolding as it will, and allow change to happen as an experience and remain open to it without struggle, then I will grow. This last week I was gifted with abundance. I was given a golden submissive heart, carefully wrapped, with fine Ethiopian coffee. I was given the gift of renewal, and forgiveness, both in the form of Belgian Dark Chocolate. I was given the gift of being reminded by who I was by 300 and three Warriors. I was given a red dragon, changed and better, and a blue dragon, a stone of truth. Lastly, an intuitive map of the Abyss, and a time and place to explore. This is useful.
I know I’m waiting, and I know what I’m waiting for, and I’m feasting my eyes on the world.
The work of a Warrior is to remain open and embrace fear, living a life of constant challenge without regret. The work of a Tantric is to grow and unlearn, examining parts of the Self that would rather stay hidden, and finding ways to become the Naked Flame. I continue to have change in the group and individual dynamics of my local relationships, and I’ve had to overcome an expectation that everyone can work, learn, and grow together as a group. I’ve had to face that even though I am a nurturing ‘natural’ father figure, I still have fear about failing in relationships, as similar relationships as I’ve had in the past have failed. I recognize that this fear is not useful.
The infected wound, the emotion-based thought patterns, moves away from the scalpel, and I do not currently have the time or the freedom from distractions for full dedicated exploration. Truth and honesty of the moment in communication seems to be my best hint, thanks to the BF, who came out to visit this last weekend. The clues keep coming in and yet I seem to be still hunting for the barrier. The resistance, and the spike of fear in my heart I have to keep removing, keeps leading back to Tam, and insights from the BF are both hope and fear. As I became more aware of where I am not growing, the drain from that not-growing area was becoming more noticeable, and affecting me more. I recognize this fear is not useful.
However, the more stuff I clear and consume without replacing from both my altar and my life, the lighter I feel --- and the less cluttered my brain. As I clear away distractions, the more I sense the loss of what was egoistic and ignorant bliss. If I can see without ego and simply observe, with the awareness that the Universe is unfolding as it will, and allow change to happen as an experience and remain open to it without struggle, then I will grow. This last week I was gifted with abundance. I was given a golden submissive heart, carefully wrapped, with fine Ethiopian coffee. I was given the gift of renewal, and forgiveness, both in the form of Belgian Dark Chocolate. I was given the gift of being reminded by who I was by 300 and three Warriors. I was given a red dragon, changed and better, and a blue dragon, a stone of truth. Lastly, an intuitive map of the Abyss, and a time and place to explore. This is useful.
I know I’m waiting, and I know what I’m waiting for, and I’m feasting my eyes on the world.
