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Life/Goals Update
Nov. 2nd, 2010 10:20 pmThere isn't any progress. *sigh*
A conversation this weekend, as my phone was dying, sparked an Abyss over my mortality. I missed something, and triggered another. My iPod sings mostly songs of death and being alone. Additionally, bronchitis hit me hard, and my immune system seems to be a bit down. I'm eating crap, and wasting time, oversleeping, and not training. Bleeding jewelry, twinges in my knees, and the fact I cannot really see any small print at all without reading glasses also triggered this May King's death. I briefly lost the Way. I've still not gotten the approval to see clients, although progress has been made. The former Fortress of Solitude has been cleaned, and the mounds of trash and much of the stench has been removed. A professional carpet cleaning, a dump run, and possibly a painter have been scheduled, just to get everything to be rentable. I still have intense feelings of anger and violation, and I am having difficulty letting that go and forgiving. I don't really want to talk to anyone for long, and I'm very tired.
As I have told others, so I have told myself. This is a cycle, and I can choose to minimize this pendulum swing. Breathe, move, forgive yourself, find the structure. Stay busy. So, today, I ran more than a 5k, made plans to support a friend in recovery tomorrow, planned a geocaching run, and pulled out the gear. Desire can transmute itself with the impetus of Will to positivity, and I'll fake it until I make it. Staying busy, I have purged yet again, and 'Ol Number 3 again has less. She no longer has a chemical cabinet or a head board on the bed, and the bed is secured, and sized exactly for the mattress. Parts storage is smaller and more efficient. There are plans for more efficient seating and space for a toilet/shower, and nothing on the bus will be unsecured. Working on 'Ol Number 3 gives me time to think and breathe.
I usually bang out an Abyss quickly, as I've had a lot of practice. I'm already seeing the path to the Way. Tomorrow I acquire cheap lumber for benches for 'Ol Number 3, clear out Longview Park of caches, and support a friend who needs it. I'll be breathing, moving, and clearing out the infection. I'll be checking in with people tomorrow. I'm going to bed early.
A conversation this weekend, as my phone was dying, sparked an Abyss over my mortality. I missed something, and triggered another. My iPod sings mostly songs of death and being alone. Additionally, bronchitis hit me hard, and my immune system seems to be a bit down. I'm eating crap, and wasting time, oversleeping, and not training. Bleeding jewelry, twinges in my knees, and the fact I cannot really see any small print at all without reading glasses also triggered this May King's death. I briefly lost the Way. I've still not gotten the approval to see clients, although progress has been made. The former Fortress of Solitude has been cleaned, and the mounds of trash and much of the stench has been removed. A professional carpet cleaning, a dump run, and possibly a painter have been scheduled, just to get everything to be rentable. I still have intense feelings of anger and violation, and I am having difficulty letting that go and forgiving. I don't really want to talk to anyone for long, and I'm very tired.
As I have told others, so I have told myself. This is a cycle, and I can choose to minimize this pendulum swing. Breathe, move, forgive yourself, find the structure. Stay busy. So, today, I ran more than a 5k, made plans to support a friend in recovery tomorrow, planned a geocaching run, and pulled out the gear. Desire can transmute itself with the impetus of Will to positivity, and I'll fake it until I make it. Staying busy, I have purged yet again, and 'Ol Number 3 again has less. She no longer has a chemical cabinet or a head board on the bed, and the bed is secured, and sized exactly for the mattress. Parts storage is smaller and more efficient. There are plans for more efficient seating and space for a toilet/shower, and nothing on the bus will be unsecured. Working on 'Ol Number 3 gives me time to think and breathe.
I usually bang out an Abyss quickly, as I've had a lot of practice. I'm already seeing the path to the Way. Tomorrow I acquire cheap lumber for benches for 'Ol Number 3, clear out Longview Park of caches, and support a friend who needs it. I'll be breathing, moving, and clearing out the infection. I'll be checking in with people tomorrow. I'm going to bed early.
