Community Forum

[grim23]

OK. It has been pointed out that my journal has become, "that place where [I] go to convalesce by having the majority of your posting community fawn all over [me], tend to [my] wounds, stroke [my] ego and tell [me] what [I] want to hear"... but, as my broccoli friends point out, what would be the fun in that?

Right now, I'm about learning, especially about the not-so-pleasant aspects of me. I need to learn about how to interact with others better and deal with how people really think and feel about me. Honesty, not fawning. Community forum. No filters.

I've just posted a snapshot personality test, and my astrology chart, giving ample suggestions for ways I do and do not work within the Universe, not to discount your own experiences. Apparently there are those who do not feel comfortable in other forums, so...here it is. Fire away, both barrels. I will not judge you, or even reply, other than to say thank you for the input, unless you request it. I will consider everything that's written, and try to incorporate it into my future Life.

Thank you for your time.

Comments

[jic]

"None of this would have been necessary... had those of you with these observations and issues, and lack of sensitivity or compassion, had the personal strength of character and integrity to speak to Grim privately, personally, as real friends would."

Aurora, you made an excellent about discretion on the part of "brocolli friends" - how in reality we ought to lean over quietly and whisper rather than voice it over the microphone. And when Grim pointed this out to me, I immediately sent him a private email asking on which topic would he like to further the discussion. That email has not been answered.

Which begs the question: Grim? Why not?

An apology to you JIC...

[aurorawyndancer.livejournal.com]

For having attached my rant to your post, rather than the anonymous one as I had intended. While my protective nature took issue with your comments and their delivery, my true fury was raised by a person of cowardice that would attack anonymously, that is without honor.

I do not expect everyone to agree with me, but thank you for acknowledging me, and the issues with maturity. To you, I give respect, and my apology

*bows*
~Aurora

An aside to Aurora

[(Anonymous)]

Aurora -

Your other problem is Grim asked for comments. You have decreed that any comments that are not fawning must, ipso facto, be personal attacks.

Please note I made no personal attacks against Grim. I merely provided, in language carefully both polite and neutral, as requested, constructive criticisms based on what I have observed of his behaviours.

Nor do you know me well enough to comment on my honour. I can only assume from your rants and your inability to accept constructive criticism (not attacks) of a friend (even when requested by that friend) that you are not necessarily a person I'd like to meet, nor one with whom I'd share a dojo.

My respect for Grim does not extend to you.

I also note we have not heard from Grim himself. Samuel, about time for you to chime in with comments, please.

Re: An aside to Aurora

[aurorawyndancer.livejournal.com]

*breathes deeply*

My apologies for not waiting 24 hours...

Anonymous - since you give not your name nor identify yourself

Grim asked for criticism, Yes he did, and he needs that feedback. Grim opened himself up to vulnerability and left himself open for attack, not an easy thing to do. One would hope that those closest to him would realize that.

You may not feel you made personal attacks on Grim, others may read it/feel it differently. Once calmed I read your comments again, and in some ways they were quite eloquent and even somewhat lovely. Your comments, in combination with a somewhat steady rain of these types of personal "critiques" given in a public forum rather than privately and personally as it should be between friends (In my not-so-humble opinion), certainly have value in teaching and lessons for Grim...

It was not my intention to stop his learning, or the critiquing, but rather to protect and defend a loved one from those who seem oblivious to his vulnerability at the moment, and were seemingly very willing to take his personal flaws, faults, weaknesses, and warts... and lay them out there for all the world to see... without considering the harm they may be doing first.

FYI, I have already spoken with him, and made my apologies.

I do not care if you respect me or not... being one who would kill or die to protect a loved one... my only concern is for him, and that you respect him. If you do, and he is fine with you, then I apologize. Standing up for what one believes is right does not often win a popularity contest, and I don't really care what you think of me, I know my worth.

As for your honour, and my questioning of it... you are right, I don't know you... and you still hide behind no name... but I do not question your honour as a person... I questioned the honor of the action. Again, perhaps not my place to do so.

I also question the wisdom and sensitivity of one who would use Grim's first name in such an open public unfiltered, uncensored format, not once but twice. I've never seen any of his friends do that before. Perhaps he does not mind that... not my place to say if he would or would not... but I do question it.

Perhaps it is best we do not meet... for I am one who will fly in the face of anyone I perceive may bring harm or attack one I care for, especially when they have allowed themselves to be vulnerable to it. It may not be wise, but it is loyal.

Two more tiny cents about Anon

[nericksx.livejournal.com]

The use of his name was the other reason that I surmised that Anon does not have an LJ account, and thus is unfamiliar with online communities. My SIL is a bellydancer and has a dance name. One night at a dance show I mentioned to an employee at the restaurant that I was with "***" mt SIL's actual name. They just stared at me: "who?" Later, my SIL pulled me aside and tutored me that the people who know her as Leylah, do not know her real name and it is that way on purpose. I had NO idea. I felt silly. I wonder if Anon is unaware of our no-name custom? I think even I used his actual name in my early days of LJ, unaware. I'm not trying to defend anyone, just trying to offer up possible misunderstandings that could be mistrued as deliberate actions.

Aurora, that was very big of you to offer up apologies, particularly to an anonymous party. Not that you need my approval, but you certainly have earned my respect. *Bows* My I "friend" you on my LJ?

Wow... I hate to be the person who adds one more thing to this! (Re: Two more tiny cents about Anon

[aurorawyndancer.livejournal.com]

but... since I'm not sure how else to answer you Nericksx. Thank you for accepting my apology, and for the honor of "friend" *smiles*... I'm pretty sure I've made an enemy or two in this, but such is life. Glad to know you aren't one of them.

I'm not sure if the Anon I went off on and Aria are the same or if that is the other Anon, I can't unravel it anymore... but whoever that was... they were the lucky "last straw" so to speak... and probably unaware of the history leading up to this...

I may have overreacted, but in my heart, nothing about how I feel about all this has changed, just that my temper has cooled after talking to Grim and seeing another perspective, and understanding his "why" of this request.

What I was seeing, was someone I love, being brow-beaten by his "friends" unknown to me, for reasons I could not fathom, and not in manners I personally could respect by being public about it... so I... (yes that's right I, me, over here, loudmouthed one) Judged the "broccoli" crowd and anyone who seemed to be jumping on that bandwagon...

and I got righteously furious and protective, of seeing my loved one standing there in front of us all, naked, unshielded, no armour, hurting, trying to work through his "stuff", vulnerable... and willing to take the beating... feeling proud of him, but angry at those who in my eyes were "kicking him while he was down, and pour salt and lemon on his wounds"...

So.. I ranted. Not an excuse, I make no excuses... but I felt you all deserved an explanation of my behavior.

Grim pointed out to me that anger and rage are all about fear... so what are you afraid of Aurora?

I was afraid of seeing him hurt... and seeing his newfound willingness to be vulnerable squashed forever, cut short before it even bloomed...

I am sorry for ranting... and I do apologize to Anon (whichever one it was)... I saw you as an unknown attacker, and just started swinging... when clearly, you love Grim just as much as me... probably more, and longer.

And now, I'm done...

*bows to all*
~Aurora

Re: Wow... I hate to be the person who adds one more thing to this! (Re: Two more tiny cents about A

[nericksx.livejournal.com]

It's good that Grim has such a loyal friend in close proximity. Grim and Aurora are lucky to have each other. *nods, smiles*

Re: ipso facto

[ms-pinkk.livejournal.com]

Anon ~ in honesty I ask. Please answer to my wondering, only why so many would feel need to fawn, somehow means not constructive though still allowing own critique of my friend? Its clear you seem not to hold this a valid form of progression to ones own truths.
Thanks,
Respectfully pinkk

Re: ipso facto oops wrong place please still receive this

[ms-pinkk.livejournal.com]

as honest curious of pinkk.

Accepted

[jic]

Perhaps I needed to hear you as well.

Respect honors both the giver and the recipient. Thank you for yours, and you have with this grace earned mine.

Spasibo.