FOG? Sigh.
Apr. 25th, 2005 10:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grim23The Darklady's succinct post was that I get lost in form and forget function. Hmmm. My journal entry does seem to have gone there. My last journal entry does seem to be more about the form, the Friends of Grim, than allowing me to buy a clue, the function. I do surround myself with a myriad of strong friends from different subcultures, and I understand this opportunity for those friends who chose to comment to mingle and communicate was irresistible.
Well. Let me summarize the last 39 posts. Using chaos as a shield and as a weapon to end burdensome relationships, and also chi to abuse power dynamics is something I can use and consider. Perhaps the silk is too tight around the iron. I am not unhappy with anyone, and I asked for this, and there is no need for anger or apologies or permission. All of my friends have honor in their way, and their own perspectives including grief, loss, love, and anger still allow me to learn from them, even when I have not spoken to them in some time. This is not the first time I have been gifted with the concept of Chaos.
Nericksx wrote, "As to the quagmire that poor Grim's LJ has become: strangely, this forum has become about the the posters (for some) and not the postee. In everyone's defense, Grim asked for it. Whether you feel it is right or wrong to take him up on it is another matter. I doubt anyone here (most CERTAINLY not me) would have the courage to take off one's armor and hand out rocks. If Grim wants his LJ community to oblige him in creating a digital gauntlet, who are we to deny him that? I think that as long the insight is kept reasonably general (no, "remember that time back in '97 when you said....") and done in a true spirit of helpfulness and caring, then it can be nothing but positive, if hard to take."
Those who really know me well know that I am trying to rest my Warrior Self, and my armour has been used up for some time, and not yet replaced. Yet, the analogy fits. Gauntlet? Nope. That means I'm running away. I'm going to stand here, again without judgment or comment.
Throw rocks.
Well. Let me summarize the last 39 posts. Using chaos as a shield and as a weapon to end burdensome relationships, and also chi to abuse power dynamics is something I can use and consider. Perhaps the silk is too tight around the iron. I am not unhappy with anyone, and I asked for this, and there is no need for anger or apologies or permission. All of my friends have honor in their way, and their own perspectives including grief, loss, love, and anger still allow me to learn from them, even when I have not spoken to them in some time. This is not the first time I have been gifted with the concept of Chaos.
Nericksx wrote, "As to the quagmire that poor Grim's LJ has become: strangely, this forum has become about the the posters (for some) and not the postee. In everyone's defense, Grim asked for it. Whether you feel it is right or wrong to take him up on it is another matter. I doubt anyone here (most CERTAINLY not me) would have the courage to take off one's armor and hand out rocks. If Grim wants his LJ community to oblige him in creating a digital gauntlet, who are we to deny him that? I think that as long the insight is kept reasonably general (no, "remember that time back in '97 when you said....") and done in a true spirit of helpfulness and caring, then it can be nothing but positive, if hard to take."
Those who really know me well know that I am trying to rest my Warrior Self, and my armour has been used up for some time, and not yet replaced. Yet, the analogy fits. Gauntlet? Nope. That means I'm running away. I'm going to stand here, again without judgment or comment.
Throw rocks.
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Circles
Date: 2005-04-26 11:44 am (UTC)The funny thing is that with Grim only having time to have 1/2 relationships, some of us don't get to spend enough time with him to get to know about his other friends and communities. I think that I am not being too bold when I say that I may be one of the people here who has known him the longest (12 years) and yet sometimes I feel that I know him the least. Honestly, I don't feel that it is asking way too much to ask that Grim actually be 50% of the friendship. After his divorce, he said that he was going to cut back on a lot of commitments and simplify. Well, he just dropped some commitments and replaced them with others - still the same amount of time and energy being exerted.
Honestly, I am uncomfortable at being told how to be Grim's friend, by another FOG. Aurora, I know it is being done with much love, but I feel that you are setting yourself up as the bridge troll that the rest of us have to correctly answer questions of, to cross over to be Grim's friend. Perhaps I'm way off base on this, perhaps Grim needs a bridge troll? (Not to imply that you are at all troll-like in actuality ;-) ) I just read your reply to the "two more tiny cents" and it sounds like you and Grim are having discussions surrounding your feelings for him. This sounds good. Grim also sent email to us "broccoli" friends and we shall also have the oppertunity to have chats him Grim, about whether he is too busy to be our friend. If that is the case, that would make me very very sad. I am the type of person who has a very few, very close friends. Basically, save for Kiwi who was in Bend, they were all present when the Little Dude was born - that included Grim. What that means that is that since I don't have my friendships spread so very thin, I put a lot into maintaining the friendships I have. If it turns out that someone who I think of as a very close friend turns out to only think of me as a fond aquaintance - well, that would suck ass.
*Puts down rock, picks up Nerf ball* It's just supposed to get your attention, not actually cause damage. No armour needed for Nerf play, anyway.
On an aside, about this whole armour thing - Grim, I hope you don't feel like you have to have armour up around this crowd. I have literally devoted almost an entire day to this briar patch/LJ (and believe me, it isn't like I don't have other things to do), which shows how much the RWB and I care about you. I know others here have done the same. Perhaps it is good that your armour is totally toasted, so that you'll have no choice but to go around all squshy parts to the world and see that armour is not needed as often as you think.
Ack! No! Not looking for a Bridge Troll position...
Date: 2005-04-26 11:54 am (UTC)past 24 hours been compared to a Jaguar, and a Troll... interesting combination LOL
*returning to my own battlefield clean up now*
Best wishes Grim dear... your in good hands I hope this gives ya what you are needing :)
Re: Ack! No! Not looking for a Bridge Troll position...
Date: 2005-04-26 12:05 pm (UTC)Thanks for everyone's input, and good luck to Grim. May they always be Nerf balls.
- Nericksx
Re: Ack! No! Not looking for a Bridge Troll position...
Date: 2005-04-26 04:07 pm (UTC)But I think all of FOG need to stop being so demanding, and realize who frickin many of us there really are... and figure out why we are all so darn in love with ya, and why some of us are so darn needy... and all be our own Knights, and not all expect you to be for us.
I’m responding to your apology because I want to make sure and convey that I understand you already said you were not fully awake when you posted this. But as someone who you don’t know (at least not that I’m aware of) and someone who commented towards our lovely Grim about this subject I really wanted to clarify some things.
I’m really uncomfortable with being described as feeling hurt, loss or anger over not having had the opportunity to get as close to Grim as I desire(d). We, umm, connected on more than one level a few times and I wouldn’t be surprised if that doesn’t happen again in the future. Or, maybe it won’t. But if it doesn’t, I’ll still cherish the few times we did connect as the gem that they are. Grim is not the first person I’ve had these fantastic experiences with that were a product of the moment never to be had again, and I’m sure he won’t be the last. But each is precious in their own, whether they can be duplicated again or not. I’m fairly confident that Grim understands that, or at least I hope that if he doesn’t he contacts me so I can explain it to him.
I just really wanted to have it understood that expressing my comments was not because of any sour feelings on my part but because I could recognize the pattern that others were describing where Grim would express a desire to pursue closeness or even begin pursuing closeness and then with no explanation stop. I have some thoughts on why that occurs but these are not things I’m willing to share here since at the moment I don’t feel that this is a warm and accepting place for thoughts or constructive criticism, not from Grim but from the other readers.
Grim – Now that I think about it I think I will try and contact you sometime in the near future because after writing this and with everything going on for us each individually I’m feeling that I maybe need to touch base with you personally. If I don’t hear from you regarding a good time and place I may very well be presumptuous and just call you. :P