Anonymous replies

[grim23]

I ordinarily welcome anonymous replies to my lj, because of people who cannot or will not respond, for whatever reason. I often learn much from people who do not feel safe communicating with me in person, by using this medium. I have been thoughtfully taught many lessons by people who know and care enough to throw stones and nerf balls to help me grow and become aware.

So, O Muse and Fury, what do you have to teach me? It's obvious that you have an axe to grind, because of your statement that "[my] particular brand of Patriarcial Man-Over is what has fucked the world so royally", and that the "only way out is to knock off the John Wayne Samari crap and be GENUINE," and, "[h]aving said that I personally believe the Modern American Man is incapable of doing so". Hmmm. I don't expect anyone else but myself to believe in my honor, and not everyone in my life is a damsel in distress, and many of the women (and men) in my life are companions. I do believe that no one should ever be stranded, and we should all help each other out when needed, when we can. I define genuineness as being authentic and sincere, and, had you done more that 'peeked' and actually read this journal closely, it would have been obvious that that is what I am striving to do, contrasting your opinion of male incapability.

You are correct that I did not know who you were, then. I believed you were someone else. I was referring to the other anonymous poster (who I am fairly sure I know who she is) and gently validating her presence in both her and my learning, to others on my list who were concerned with the tone and content, and context of the situation.

Your motivation to post, being "[I] broke the heart of someone I DO care about, and moreso, that ritual disagreement led to the loss of my spiritual community", I am very curious about. I was unaware that I am responsible for your spiritual community, and also unaware that the person whose heart I broke required your intervention. Have you asked that particular person if this is what she wants? Perhaps you should communicate with her.

I continue to welcome anonymous posts. *bow*

Peace,
Grim

Comments

Re: not sure what subject is

[grim23]

*nod*

My journal entry did start out about me, and it did get deflected to being about you, but by others, as has happened quite frequently recently on my journal entries. I'm willing to learn.

It is harder to be deflected by others when having a conversation in person over good coffee. If you choose, I'd be honored.

Grim

ball in your court

[(Anonymous)]

you can find me if you mean that. I work at home now so rarely in Salem. I know people come out to Garden but only know that because someone will ask me "what's going on over there lots of cars." I'm not reaching out to people who so obviously don't want me around. that simple.

overcoming sexism

[(Anonymous)]

this explains pretty well what you and the other men in the Garden Community Do not seem to want to hear.

from Starhawj's Reclaiming site

Undoing Sexism

(modified to fit this journal space)
by Lynx Adamah
There is a commonly held belief that sexism, as well as other "isms" like racism and homophobia, don't exist in progressive communities. Unfortunately, this simply isn't true.

While most of us are liberal, open-minded, and well-intentioned folks, the reality is that we all have some work to do freeing ourselves from old, deeply rooted beliefs and feelings towards other groups of people....It would be nearly impossible for us as individuals raised in this very oppressive and dehumanizing culture to not have recorded at least some of these messages, somewhere within us.

While it's not our fault that we struggle with such messages, it is each individual's responsibility to take on the work of eliminating oppressive behavior and transforming the beliefs. To effectively move forward in our struggle as humans to end all oppressions, it is crucial that we be willing to name these oppressions and speak openly and honestly about them.
What is sexism?
Sexism is any mistreatment of women, ranging from violence against women, to the treatment of women as inferior, to the objectification of women. Any time a women is treated in any way other than as a brilliant, powerful, respected human being, it is sexism.
When women do not stand up for themselves, tolerate abusive behavior from men, mistreat other women, or deny their own intelligence, internalized sexism is occurring. After being systematically bombarded with sexist misinformation, many women internalize these messages, start believing them, and act out of this hurt place. The more women free themselves from internalized sexism, the less power and impact men's sexism directed at us will have.

Thankfully, in our community, most forms of overt sexism are not present - violence against women, sexist language, sexual coercion, male domination. So many men in our community are incredibly loving, kind, open-hearted, generous, strong and gentle, compassionate, caring, expressive - beautiful models of what is possible. While we are rarely faced with men perpetrating overt forms of sexism - though this does occasionally happen -- sexism in its more subtle forms is actually a fairly common occurrence.
Subtle Sexism
Some of the subtle forms that sexism can take include:
men yelling at women
interrupting women
not listening to women or taking women seriously
making women repeat "no"
men always speaking first and/or for the longest amount of time
not fully supporting women on our path to empowerment because it feels threatening to men
Even though these forms of sexism are not life-threatening, they are still damaging to women. They get in the way of women having big, full and empowered lives. They affect our self-respect and confidence. All forms of sexism are to be taken seriously and actively campaigned against. To ignore subtle sexism is to give up on women's liberation.

see part II

Re: overcoming sexism part II

[(Anonymous)]

That some men in our community still act out these sexist patterns at women doesn't mean that our community is bad, nor does it mean that such men are bad or even to blame. As I stated previously, it would be unrealistic for us to expect that men, having grown up in such a pervasively sexist culture, would make it through unscathed and not carry with them a piece of the patriarchy, no matter how unknowingly or unwillingly. While this is not men's fault, especially the subtle stuff, it is key that men take responsibility for their sexist behavior and for releasing the patterns and unlearning sexism. I truly believe that no human being wants to behave oppressively towards another human, and this certainly includes men and sexism. But patterns won't just go away by themselves. They need to be actively worked on and transformed.
Settling for Less
There is a way in progressive communities that we "settle," both as women and as men. We're so grateful that we're not subjected to overt forms of sexism, and that men here are more loving and open-hearted than the general population. We've stopped going after more for ourselves and from our men. We don't really talk about sexism. We let a lot of "undesirable" behavior go.

We need to talk about sexism. If we as a community and as individuals desire to grow, heal, and become truly empowered, it is crucial that we be willing to address a real and disempowering inequity among us.

We're not doing our beloved brothers any favors by not challenging them on their sexism. By naming and calling them on it, we give them a chance to identify an oppressive pattern, to work on it, and truly transform it. By ignoring it, we leave them stuck with a harmful pattern that serves only to diminish their humanity and their chances for real human connection. No man truly wants to be oppressive. When women are complacent around sexism, settling and putting up with it, we end up only perpetuating our own oppression. The reality is that sexism affects all of us.

SO Grim do you see anything in there that resonates back to the conversations we had about our roles in that ritual? It is important to me to be understood on this issue. It got turned into what an emotional midgit I am and I had a bloody legitimate issue.

There is no point in face to face over coffee unless you can read this and at minimum see where I'm coming from. Otherwise we'll end up in the same conversation from 2-3 years ago all over again.