What I already know about how I communicate

[grim23]

(1) I am very Japanese in my speaking style. Veiled meanings, double meanings, twilight language, and suggestions rather than clear directions. I prefer others to figure out what I mean, rather than just saying it. I usually only do this on those who know me more than an acquaintance, and who I know get it.

(2) I struggle constantly, especially in my professional communication with colleagues, to use less acronyms. ("The PCP thinks CBT for her PTSD, coupled with a SSRI and an HIPPA ROI to her PMHNP, would increase her BDI and GAF scores.")

(3) I often prefer to listen first, and speak less. I take in a lot from others, and distill that and other experiences, and come out with two or three lines.

(4) I am a Keeper of Secrets. I have a lot of things people have told me in confidence, and that often is a filter that reduces what I say. I will not betray a confidence.

(5) Neo-Freudian drives (sex and work) often provide the ego structure for my words, and are often the most prevalent conversations people remember me having with them. (I recently offered to help someone dress after a recent surgery that made dressing difficult, and was asked to stop making sexual innuendoes---and when I protested that I was simply offering to help, she said that I always made innuendoes to her, and she didn't realize I was trying to be helpful. Although I realize she was in a post-op mindstate, I still took that in as a lesson for me.)

Comments?

Comments

intimacy and friendship and understanding

[fairiegodmother.livejournal.com]

Yes, you would prefer that your friends understand you. Friends would prefer that, too. It is easier to maintain distance, believing it'll keep us from being hurt, but doing so is just as likely to keep us from being healed.

Friends know us, see us, and they love us. With all our bullshit, our defenses, our blind spots, our strengths, our talents, individual quirks, shadow stuff and our vulnerabilities, those people LOVE us.

That's the miracle of friendship, and the reason to open yourself to intimacy in trust rather than guarding against it in fear. So much love it will leave you awestruck, humbled, and speechless.

Friends know us AND love us. It blows me away every time.

Re: intimacy and friendship and understanding

[grim23]

Yes. That seems to be exactly what I have to learn, although it would be nice if they had less fear to cope with...that may be why I had to go across the country, so that I could figure that out.

I've never been one for the easy way, as soon as I'm aware there's a better way. I'm working on it. :.

Thank you for your friendship.