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grim23(1) I am very Japanese in my speaking style. Veiled meanings, double meanings, twilight language, and suggestions rather than clear directions. I prefer others to figure out what I mean, rather than just saying it. I usually only do this on those who know me more than an acquaintance, and who I know get it.
(2) I struggle constantly, especially in my professional communication with colleagues, to use less acronyms. ("The PCP thinks CBT for her PTSD, coupled with a SSRI and an HIPPA ROI to her PMHNP, would increase her BDI and GAF scores.")
(3) I often prefer to listen first, and speak less. I take in a lot from others, and distill that and other experiences, and come out with two or three lines.
(4) I am a Keeper of Secrets. I have a lot of things people have told me in confidence, and that often is a filter that reduces what I say. I will not betray a confidence.
(5) Neo-Freudian drives (sex and work) often provide the ego structure for my words, and are often the most prevalent conversations people remember me having with them. (I recently offered to help someone dress after a recent surgery that made dressing difficult, and was asked to stop making sexual innuendoes---and when I protested that I was simply offering to help, she said that I always made innuendoes to her, and she didn't realize I was trying to be helpful. Although I realize she was in a post-op mindstate, I still took that in as a lesson for me.)
Comments?
(2) I struggle constantly, especially in my professional communication with colleagues, to use less acronyms. ("The PCP thinks CBT for her PTSD, coupled with a SSRI and an HIPPA ROI to her PMHNP, would increase her BDI and GAF scores.")
(3) I often prefer to listen first, and speak less. I take in a lot from others, and distill that and other experiences, and come out with two or three lines.
(4) I am a Keeper of Secrets. I have a lot of things people have told me in confidence, and that often is a filter that reduces what I say. I will not betray a confidence.
(5) Neo-Freudian drives (sex and work) often provide the ego structure for my words, and are often the most prevalent conversations people remember me having with them. (I recently offered to help someone dress after a recent surgery that made dressing difficult, and was asked to stop making sexual innuendoes---and when I protested that I was simply offering to help, she said that I always made innuendoes to her, and she didn't realize I was trying to be helpful. Although I realize she was in a post-op mindstate, I still took that in as a lesson for me.)
Comments?
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Date: 2006-08-21 06:04 am (UTC)1 - I step up as the person who said something along the lines of, "I was talking with Grim and I think this is what he meant but it was Grim so who really knows what he is fucking saying anyway." And then we laughed, because it was a joke. It was a joke and true. And, as someone who finds herself having MUCH (perhaps starlingly so) in common with you I am certain that I do know what you are speaking of most the time (veiled meanings and all).
Yet I dont run on assumptions well and so I push you a lot to be clear with me. I guess wrong on purpose. I make you put away the "Confuscious" you are when you try to work through problems with me and just tell me what you see.
2 - As for your acronyms, well, you use them a lot when we talk and I know a lot of them so I find myself less confused. Yet I am not in your profession and you use them with me, so, I assume someone less enlightened as myself (and I am no Buddha) may get utterlty confuzzled when you use them with them.
As for your jargon outside of acronyms, sometimes I feel talked down too when you pull out your psychology quotes and try and solve my problems for me. Sometimes all we may need is someone to listen and some of us even manage to forget your profession and look at you as a friend when we talk with you about problems we are having. We dont all expect you to fix everything. Sometimes a hug goes a lot further than a "know-it-all" response from your psychology text.
3 - This could be an observation purely from me, but when we talk I find you talking more than listening. Yet, I also find you sharing stuff with me that is personal even though I watch you trying your damndest not to. I find you trying so hard to know exactly what I am talking/feeling/going through that you spend your time analyzing me through you and this leads us back to the second part of my response in number 2.
4 - I dont think that secrets should filter your responses. If someone is brugeoning into territory you really cant discuss for a fear of secrecy then tell them, "hey Id rather not talk about this" or "hey I really cant talk about this." Do not forgo truth for secrecy.
5 - I think the problem exsists that because you RARELY say what you mean everything you say is taken with a "what the hell does he really mean" sense of discovery. This is why people may see you as being a constant barrage of innuendo. If you were to be more open and honest up front then when you made innuendo's they would be more obvious and in turn not be the natural expected out come of every conversation with you.
Damn this seems harsh. I dont know that I could put myself out here like this. Kudos for you oh Warrior.
~TigressSky~
no subject
Date: 2006-08-21 09:22 pm (UTC)(2) I don't want anyone to feel talked down to. Sometimes, I think you are requesting advice or help, and I am trying to help. I'll work on listening more.
(3) I'll work on speaking less, as well.
(4) You are very right.
(5) I'm working hard on saying and acting exactly what I mean, in a measured way. No more innuendo.
Thank you for the kudos, and thank you very much for the comments. This is what I need to learn.
Grim