grim23 | A question.

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So, while drinking Turkish coffee with my BF while in Raleigh before we went to a biker rally, she said that I am often unaware that I sometimes make requests of people in a way that makes it difficult for them to say no or ask for what they need, and set their own boundaries with me. She said this may come across as manipulation or taking advantage of people. At the same time, she also said that once I am aware of a boundary, I am very good at honoring it.

She also said my greatest quality was challenging others to grow and develop.

I welcome all comments, anonymous or not, regarding her insights into me. Anything. I do not question her perception of me. What I'm looking for is other feedback about how I do these things. I am in NC for a year, and I have a chance to grow while I am away from who I was when I was in OR. I'm working on improving my self, especially my communication with others.

Thank you.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Location: Creedmoor, NC
Current Music: Depeche Mode: Policy of Truth

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

viktormaddok.livejournal.com

Yes, you do have a way of asking people of things that leaves them wanting to carry out your requests.

This is a sign of leadership. You don't have to TELL anyone what to do. You can ask in such a way that inspires compliance.

Personally, I have never been in a situation where I was afraid to ask you for anything I need, so I can't form an opinion on that.

Is this manipulative?? Of course it is. But wether that manipulation is an intrusion upon someone else's will or not, or wether you are taking advantage of someone is a matter of what you request of them, and being who you are, I have a hard time believing that you would ask something of someone that is against their nature, even if not quite alligned with their demeanor. SO yes, you are very respectful of established boundaries.

And she is right about the quality she mentioned. You DO have an uncanny ability to inspire growth and development in the people you are close to.

As long as you are mindful of these traits, then you will do good things with them.
It's whan you forget that you inspire compliance in the way you make your requests that it might be percieved as a negative. Although, the way others percieve what you do is only partially yours to control.

From:

grim23

Ah! the first not-short-white-chick. *smile*

Thank you. You have good points, especailly that sometimes my ability to state plans could be seen as leadership rather than manipulation. I think those with a warrior mindset have fewer problems with boundaries.

I am learning things about how I communicate I hadn't considered before, and the way I sometimes state plans rather than make requests, espcially when I'm having a setback.

Your final point that the way others partially perceive me from their own perspectives is also a good one.

Thank you, again.