Answers to the Question.
Oct. 9th, 2006 01:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grim23I cannot sleep, which is very unusual for me. My mind is working very hard, processing something I cannot articulate. It, in itself, is effecting my communication, especially with Tam.
Ok, be a psychologist, then. Use your skills. Let's get a consult.
What I have learned:
1. I seem to be unable to reach myself. I may be, according to Jharma, trying to convince yourself to see something, to face something, to prove something, and/or to let go of something. She feels I am either unable or unwilling to set boundaries for yourself. She feels that what others see as being unable to hear the word “no” is really my attempt to "prove something to yourself or to someone you feel has hurt you, something for which you have never been able to simply forgive yourself for and let go". She believes that I was not deliberately trying to manipulate anyone, but that which I was helping others bring out in themselves were the very things I sought to bring out in myself. She believes that I "seek to be loved, and the love you seek lies within you, just waiting to be embraced, just waiting to be allowed to BE."
2. Sienna believes that I may have an air of privilege, and that I take setbacks and defeat harder than necessary, which may be gender-based, or not. The BF and JIC also believe that I have that 'invisible knapsack'/"celebrity" issue. I am less convinced that this is completely correct. Victor, another white male, believes that this may be leadership, and brings up the good point that this is all perception. This may also be, as JIC said, that I do have a tendency to state plans rather than make requests, assuming everyone has the same boundary strength as I do, which is simply a wrong assumption I probably do make automatically, but one which may explain the privilege/manipulation issue.
3. SPL says that I don't hear what I don't want to hear, which does bother me perhaps the most. This may tie in with #2.
4. Siduriana believes that I have a lack of awareness of the boundary of "other." She has noticed that I don't "see" her, only my projection of her. She sees fear of intimacy as the reason I "remain always and irrevocably distant". She suggests sitting with my emotional discomfort for a while, and just accept it as a part of being. This may lead back to trying to reach myself, although this is Siduriana's perception---who has never really had a strong connection with me because I have never really opened up to her because of my own fear.
5. TigressSky believes that male/female energy motivates my interactions and is the source of the boundary issue, of my structure imposing on other people less structured energies and 'forcing' others to confront challenges, that perhaps I was also facing (from Jharma).
OK. What I'd like is more comments, if you feel safe and willing to do so. Ideas? Integration of this? Thoughts? I welcome them. Please help me see this.
Ok, be a psychologist, then. Use your skills. Let's get a consult.
What I have learned:
1. I seem to be unable to reach myself. I may be, according to Jharma, trying to convince yourself to see something, to face something, to prove something, and/or to let go of something. She feels I am either unable or unwilling to set boundaries for yourself. She feels that what others see as being unable to hear the word “no” is really my attempt to "prove something to yourself or to someone you feel has hurt you, something for which you have never been able to simply forgive yourself for and let go". She believes that I was not deliberately trying to manipulate anyone, but that which I was helping others bring out in themselves were the very things I sought to bring out in myself. She believes that I "seek to be loved, and the love you seek lies within you, just waiting to be embraced, just waiting to be allowed to BE."
2. Sienna believes that I may have an air of privilege, and that I take setbacks and defeat harder than necessary, which may be gender-based, or not. The BF and JIC also believe that I have that 'invisible knapsack'/"celebrity" issue. I am less convinced that this is completely correct. Victor, another white male, believes that this may be leadership, and brings up the good point that this is all perception. This may also be, as JIC said, that I do have a tendency to state plans rather than make requests, assuming everyone has the same boundary strength as I do, which is simply a wrong assumption I probably do make automatically, but one which may explain the privilege/manipulation issue.
3. SPL says that I don't hear what I don't want to hear, which does bother me perhaps the most. This may tie in with #2.
4. Siduriana believes that I have a lack of awareness of the boundary of "other." She has noticed that I don't "see" her, only my projection of her. She sees fear of intimacy as the reason I "remain always and irrevocably distant". She suggests sitting with my emotional discomfort for a while, and just accept it as a part of being. This may lead back to trying to reach myself, although this is Siduriana's perception---who has never really had a strong connection with me because I have never really opened up to her because of my own fear.
5. TigressSky believes that male/female energy motivates my interactions and is the source of the boundary issue, of my structure imposing on other people less structured energies and 'forcing' others to confront challenges, that perhaps I was also facing (from Jharma).
OK. What I'd like is more comments, if you feel safe and willing to do so. Ideas? Integration of this? Thoughts? I welcome them. Please help me see this.
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-09 06:22 am (UTC)1. Those of us who have had to struggle to survive often assume others are at the same level of motivation to do those things that keep us alive. It is still such a shock to me when people who are in pain (emotional or physical) won't do whatever is necessary to move out of that. My natural assumption therefore in talking with people is that "Of course so-so will do X! How could they not??" Might that be the same wave length of thinking when stating plans instead of asking about plans?
2. Faerie calls me a peach person. All soft and juicy on the outside but there is a solid pit inside that few ever penetrate. Could it be that as you grow closer in your relationships that people are getting closer to that pit which then sets off fear and perhaps the defensivness that people may be perceiving?
3. As a person who is very driven and very busy with lots of different activities and people, it's hard to stop myself and allow myself to be in the NOW of the moment with people. I am often times too busy thinking of the next class, the next chore, who needs to be talked to about chores, etc. etc. Not being in the NOW has at times been perceived as being aloof or distant.
Hope sleep comes soon.
Namaste