An update

[grim23]

There is some concern that I am very angry at people. In fact, my Sister, and my Best Friend, the King, and other Warriors have been checking in with me about that. I certainly deserve to be angry, and recent events over the last month have been very stressful, but anger would simply get in the way. Instead, I breathe. I strive to reduce anger (which masks fear) head on without judgment, and overcome the chaos which has perpetuated my recent life. I am trying to demonstrate the self-discipline and training I know I have. I will meet with Chaos tonight, and it will end.

In other news, I have sold my Sanctum Sanctorum, and I no longer have a Seneschal. I had found a replacement Sanctorum, but my offer was not accepted. I am homeless, but not houseless. I am still actively looking, and I will probably be moving to transition housing very soon. I will be storing what little stuff I have, and sleeping on a futon, and living a very simple existence. I welcome it.

I will be testing for my purple belt 6/22. I am spending considerable time in the dojo to prepare. This is good for my body, and my mind, and my spirit.

I will be increasing my administrative hours at work, and I will need to find other times with which to write my dissertation. I will be able to concentrate more, and focus more on what is really important in my life.

Comments

[darklady-produc.livejournal.com]

Congrats on the sale. My condolences on the lack of immediate permanent housing. Not sure what the "I no longer have a Seneschal" means, so I'm not sure how to respond. Perhaps it has something to do with the "chaos" in your life and the anger that isn't anger? Good fortune on 6/22.

As for anger... I rarely see or hear from you these days, so I certainly don't know your heart on these matters. Breathing is good. I try to do it at least once a day whether I need it or not. Reducing anger is a good thing. Breathing seems to help. It sounds from the above like you *do* have some anger (otherwise, there would be nothing to "reduce") ... but anger can both mask fear and it can provide a sense of movement. Sometimes that movement is real and sometimes it's illusory. Anger can be empowering if it doesn't burn so hot as to be debilitating. Anger is one of those issues I still wrestle with, myself.

Ironically, I think there have been times when being angry would have been a good and protective thing for me, but I refused to allow its into my life and, instead, kept myself open to hurtful things. It's a tough one to balance.

BTW -- I was impressed by the depth of emotion and the sincerity that I heard in your voice the last time that we spoke. You seemed closer to your emotions than previous. That takes some courage and I applaud you for it. Keep up the good work. Be open to change in yourself... and in others.

Anger that isn't anger

[grim23]

Thank you. You always have wise and useful things to write, that keep me thinking and learning.

Thank you also about the feedback. I will.

Anger that isn't anger

[ms-pinkk.livejournal.com]

We all need to fear something and anger is an easy thing to not allow ourselves. Not that you should get caught up in it or let it distract you from your tasks. I found dwelling in the anger just made me even less able to deal with the fear though. Silly how we fear what we know we should do. It's like beating our heads into the wall ~ until somebody else stops us for the wrong reasons, because they can't handle watching us bleed. I hope your doing well, while pounding your head you may shake something loose. I love you and feel for your homelessness, and the loss of the Seneschal as well. Wishing you well on the 22nd ~ I'll do a special nipple dance, hey you never know...giggles and love Pinkk

Re: Anger that isn't anger

[grim23]

*nod*

You ALWAYs make me think.

Love, Grim

[templeofgod.livejournal.com]

SMOOCH!

And yet still you find time to help me.

Thanks. :)

[grim23]

Helping you, helps me.

Smooch, back. :>

Love, Grim