A question.

[grim23]

So, while drinking Turkish coffee with my BF while in Raleigh before we went to a biker rally, she said that I am often unaware that I sometimes make requests of people in a way that makes it difficult for them to say no or ask for what they need, and set their own boundaries with me. She said this may come across as manipulation or taking advantage of people. At the same time, she also said that once I am aware of a boundary, I am very good at honoring it.

She also said my greatest quality was challenging others to grow and develop.


I welcome all comments, anonymous or not, regarding her insights into me. Anything. I do not question her perception of me. What I'm looking for is other feedback about how I do these things. I am in NC for a year, and I have a chance to grow while I am away from who I was when I was in OR. I'm working on improving my self, especially my communication with others.

Thank you.

Comments

[grim23]

Thank you for your honesty.

Hmmm. Setting boundaries for myself, and driving myself to be better, is what I do best. However, that may be the problem. I do have a very hard time letting myself Be.

It took me a while to realize it wasn’t because you were deliberately trying to manipulate anyone. It took me a while to realize that what you help others bring out in themselves is the very things you seek to bring out in yourself. What you do for others, you seek to do for yourself. And it took me a while to realize that you are usually unaware that you are doing it. What I thought was manipulative energy was really just your reaching out to yourself.

Bottom line, for all your studying, all your learning, all your struggles, all of the people you have helped, the one person you seem to be unable to reach is yourself. And I think that is sometimes misconstrued as your being unable to hear or accept the word “no.” Your persuasion, your “manipulative energy” is really you trying to convince yourself to see something, to face something, to prove something, and to let go of something. You’re not really all that different from the rest of us, truth be told.

Yes! That's it!

However, I seem to have a hard time reaching myself. I am no different from anyone else, in that we are all connected and have flaws, but I have the most difficulty accepting myself for what I am, flaws and all. I am the first to admit I have work to do, and I drive myself to do it, and I teach what I learn to others to teach it to myself. THAT is the problem, and the blessing.

Ah. Thank you.

[jharma.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

Jharma