The final Internship Update, for a year...

[grim23]

My armour is gone, and I cannot lift my swords anymore. That battle is over, at least for this season.

I did not get the position. I fought the best that I could, and I'll find out in a couple of days why I didn't get the internship. I have to have faith that there was a reason. The Best Friend is concerned my ego structure (from JIC) was becoming an egg, as opposed to a honeycomb with multiple structural integrity, and that one blow would destroy everything. On reflection, and rereading my journal, I can see how see one would think that. This would be that blow, and if it were true, I'd be an omelet. Does it hurt? Yes. Will I lay down and die? Never.



Now? New, better armour. A new sword, called Dissertation. A new perspective. A new home, new relationships, new roles. The Dark Samurai must heal himself, and train more---become faster, harder, and more efficient. I must become silk-wrapped iron, give up even more Self, and take care of business. It's time to heal others, time to lead others, time to serve. Time to make my baby howl, scraping pegs, wind burning my eyes at 88mph in a tight sweeper. Time to finish cutting away that which doesn't serve, and cut away chains holding me back. There is no time for anything that hesitates, doesn't engage life, that doesn't teach.

Enough. Time to go forward and learn.



Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
----Gandhi

Comments

always willing to be the cheese for your omelet

[ms-pinkk.livejournal.com]

Spirit battled not conquered, downpour of fate continues, warriors body taken by sickness and the overwhelming sense only the radiating warmth of your strength, both relieved to hear it in your voice.
squishyness & love, always willing to be the cheese for your omelet
btw ~ they don't deserve you anyway, and we're broke(n) and biased
:>) all nipples & hugs pinkk & Lumpy

Re: always willing to be the cheese for your omelet

[grim23]

Now THAT is a metaphor. And, yeah, we're biased. :>

Love, Grim

Be the bamboo

[nericksx.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I really relate to this whole warrior metaphor that you've got going on. Seems so adversarial and combative (and therefore stressful) to me. I agree with your friend about the egg/honeycomb thing. Perhaps if you viewed this (and other things) as features of the landscape on your Path as opposed to highwaymen who you have to fight, you would be less devistated. One doesn't battle a large rock formation or stand of trees, know what I mean? Buddhist wisdom tells of the experience of the different trees in a hurricane. The big tall rigid trees are defiant in the wind and attempt to stand up to the hurricane. They are eventually uprooted and blown over. The humble bamboo simply bends and lays down in the wind and is still standing when the storm is over. Forget the armor and swords for now and be the bamboo.

Re: Be the bamboo

[grim23]

I think many people expect me to be an uprooted tree or a broken egg. This wasn't enough wind to knock me dowm, it just blew off a bunch of leaves and limbs that will grow back stronger and bigger.

Respectfully, I'm not a hollow reed that doesn't provide shade and shelter. I've got to be more than that, and I am. :>

Re: Be the bamboo

[darklady-produc.livejournal.com]

My legal surname is "Reed." The family motto is "Bent but not broken."

I think there's some merit to that.

Re: Be the bamboo

[grim23]

I agree; there is merit in yielding. It's just not where I'm at right now. :>

On metaphors

[voluptasia.livejournal.com]

Warrior, armor, egg, honeycomb, trees, bamboo - it's all an alternate way of getting the message across when you really are afraid of what's underneath. You have friends who love you, and you are an amazing person, whichever metaphor you use to describe that. Listen to your wise friends, and your heart, and know that you're doing (or not doing) the right thing. May this be the year you look beyond the metaphor to discover what's been there all along. May you have few regrets at the end.

Like gum on the bottom of your shoe,
The BF =)

Re: On metaphors

[grim23]

How very wise you are, BF. :>

I think gum lasts longer than eternity. You may have the best metaphor yet. :>

Support & Comfort

[aurorawyndancer.livejournal.com]

Well spoken BF, and other dear friends... eggs, bamboo, reeds, warriors... all good points.

Grim... all I can offer is support, encouragement in the face of disappointment, serenity to know that the universe has a great plan for you, and love to comfort your heart. That and supreme confidence that you are an amazing, powerful man, and each experience in this life will only hone your skills, sharpen your swords, and strengthen your spirit... and as always, you will shine.

*bows low, head to the floor, kisses feet of the warrior after a brave battle*..
Aurora

Re: Support & Comfort

[grim23]

Thank you.

*bows lower in sieza, intercepts kiss, gives hug, returns kiss to Healer's hands* (wouldn't be polite to allow such a woman to get gum in her hair)

Since we are all doing metaphors...

[templeofgod.livejournal.com]

Onw of the best things I learned from my Sensei is that if you approch someone with the energy of expecting to get attacked, they will most likely attack you. It's also applicable to dealing with animals, and in truth, life in general.

On a more practical note: You DID say you were probably over qualified. So why do you want a job that doesn't suit your skills or challenge you? How can you learn from such an environment?

And on an even more practal note: I know how good you are at your job :) And I know that you don't do your job the way most people would do your job. So mabye you need a job unlike that which most people have.....

Oh and,

SMOOCH!

Re: Since we are all doing metaphors...

[grim23]

The internship process is very adverserial, but there are many battles on many levels that I have been fighting, not just this one. I want an internship simply because it's the last stage in the PsyD process---my education has very little to do with my learning. :> You're very right about my non-traditionalness.

Smmoch back to you,
Grim

[jesse-avila.livejournal.com]

You know my belief that in life there are no accidents...it was just not meant to be. Fight as you must, but conserve your energy for where it serves you the best.
Much love...and yeah, I made it home safely. Thanks for a wonderful weekend.

Oss!

[grim23]

Thank you for the wisdom. I have faith that the Universe has plans for me. I have been thinking a lot about what you said.

Glad you're home and safe.

Love,
Grim

[darklady-produc.livejournal.com]

Ummm... boy, I hate to be less than supportive here since I know how much this meant to you, but this information has important ramifications for me, as well -- and I thought you wouldn't know an answer until today. Friday. Two days after you already knew but hadn't bothered to tell me. Instead I, like other uninvolved persons, had to visit Live Journal in order to find out. You and the Sweetheart are both getting pretty good at dropping out of communication circles that involve me and leaving me hanging. Blah.

I'm confused by your rather cryptic comments about a new home and new friendships. Are you staying in Salem or are you looking at relocating even without the internship?

It was good to see you and to meet Jess during Kinkfest and I'm sorry that you still haven't found the right internship. What a confusing and frustrating drag.

Ramifications

[grim23]

I still intend to call you today, when I have some time. I am still intending on relocation. It was good to spend some time with you, and introduce you to people I respect and admire. :>

Confusion and frustration, yes.

Re: Ramifications

[darklady-produc.livejournal.com]

Ok dokey. Thanks. :)

Onward, deeper into the confusion and frustration!

Re: Ramifications

[grim23]

I might call late, or tomorrow---dealing with a crisis. Hope that's OK...